Shades of Gray
by Tremalkinger
Summary: Two girls, united by unfulfilled desires for revenge. NaoNatsu centric relationship profile.
1. Shades of Gray: Beginning

Author Note: I normally don't like to point out the pairing before a story begins, but given this fandom, I've decided its only prudent. This story is the beginning of a relationship profile for Nao and Natsuki. So if you refuse to read stories that pair Natsuki up with anyone but Shizuru, you have been warned.

Those few of you I haven't lost... onward!

Edit: A revised copy, thanks to my betas KiraDouji and Kieli.

-----

Gray tendrils of cigarette smoke wafted slowly through the air, their noxious odor mixing with the scents of hard liquor and inner city life. Kuga Natsuki waved at the unpleasant cloud absently, carefully nursing her drink. More than anywhere else, this place felt like home. It had been when she was sitting at this very bar that she had listened to choice bits of information from Yamada, and plotted her revenge. It was in this bar that she had truly felt alive.

Now, all that was left were hollowed out shells and long tracts of debris where Shizuru and Kiyohime had obliterated the First District and all of their scheming. What minions of the First District survived had scattered and returned to their normal lives: police officers, business men, researchers and teachers. She could bear them no more malice.

In the end, all that was left of herself was a hollow shell. Shizuru had left for college, though she had promised weekly letters. Mai, Tate and the rest of the friends she had made during dark times were now consumed with school, relationships, and their own lives. As quickly as it had begun, she found herself isolated and alone once again.

Of course, school had started for herself as well. The third and final year of high school was the hardest and most important; the year that would determine what colleges she had a shot at getting accepted to, and potentially the course of her entire life. It was extra difficult for her, going into her third year with miserable grades and previous poor attendance. Now, with the new semester of school in session for just over a week, she vividly recalled why she had rarely showed up for class. Natsuki sure as hell didn't know what she wanted to do with her life; she wasn't even sure she wanted to go to college. Slaving away, studying higher math concepts and English vocabulary lists was fairly anti-climactic after battling for your life and the lives of all your friends and loved ones against an ancient, unknowable power.

All of which left her here, in the Rorschach bar on a Sunday night, taking a slow sip of her fifth glass of alcohol. There was a faint tingling in her extremities: a sign that even with her fairly high tolerance, the liquid was starting to have an undue effect on her. She sighed in discontent; not even the burn of the liquor, nor the soothingly vengeful memories this dingy establishment contained could help her sour mood. She tossed payment and a generous tip onto the counter, staggering to her feet. The room swayed slightly, and she righted herself with only some effort. Her drinks had been headier than expected, and she silently berated herself for getting this intoxicated.

She had wisely left her motorcycle back at her apartment, choosing instead to walk the short distance between her apartment and the bar. The return trip was more difficult; the lights in the narrow street flickered irritatingly, threatening to give her a headache. As she neared her residence, she heard a muted, angry shouting over the mechanical hum of the florescent bulbs: male and female voices that sounded on the cusp of violence. A foreboding feeling set her on edge, and the sound of a shattering bottle acted like a shot of adrenaline through her inebriated body, forcing her into motion. She sprinted forward, turning down the alleyway, hands instinctively rising to form a tight guard as she turned down the alleyway.

The sight that greeted her was terrifying: a familiar red headed girl two years her junior, Yuuki Nao, with one hand over an eye. Her face was set into a grimace, arrayed against three men in their late twenties, one of whom was menacing her with a jagged, broken bottle. Without letting herself think, Natsuki launched into action. Old habits die hard.

-----

Nao tried to open her eyes, but even the smallest part of her body refused to obey. The world was a mottled haze behind her concealing eyelids. Memories of recent events skirted her consciousness, evading her feeble attempts at pulling herself together. There had been bloodshed, and she was vulnerable. As these faintest recollections began to trickle in, she felt a burst of panic and bolted straight up into a sitting position, her hands set to ward off incoming blows. When none of the anticipated blows came, one eye creaked painfully open, turning upwards into the harsh light. She was greeted by a blurry face, framed by dark blue locks, watching over her. _Kuga Natsuki?_ The older girl was standing a few feet away, her arms folded over her chest, sporting a mildly concerned expression. When Nao's mind processed the fact that the danger wasn't immediate, the full weight of her injuries struck her like a wall. She sunk back down onto the couch, clutching a hand to her head. Through a pounding headache, memories sorted themselves out: a jagged bottle, the violent clashing of limbs, her head being dashed against the bricks, and disjointed recollections of being carried in an undignified heap back to Natsuki's apartment.

"Those guys really did a number on you, didn't they?"

Cutting off her train of thought, a crimson film of anger washed over her vision; her despicable helplessness being thrown in her face overwhelmed any other emotions and voided her of reason. Both eyes flew open, heedless of the pain. "Screw you." she spat, affixing Natsuki with a gaze of pure venom. "What do you want, my appreciation?"

"Appreciation?" Natsuki echoed in mild surprise. "Not particularly." The flat, emotionless response sucked the heated anger out of Nao. Silence reigned. A quick flush of guilt passed over the redhead, though she concealed it well. No matter how frustrated she might be, it didn't feel quite right to lash out at her rescuer. Nao glowered up at Natsuki, who gazed back evenly. The older girl didn't seem perturbed by the unwarranted outburst, as much as she had the right to be. _I suppose she understands._ Nao thought glumly. _In many ways, she is just as proud... and she has been brought just as low._ Nao scowled but looked away as her host finally turned and walked into the small kitchenette in the back of her apartment.

"How do you take your coffee?" Natsuki's voice rang off the walls.

"Black." The word was loud enough to be heard, but a shade nicer than Nao's usual acidic tones, offered as if it were a peace treaty.

"Just like me then." Natsuki returned with a hint of amusement. She walked back into the room bearing a plain black mug, steam wafting in a small cloud. She offered the mug, which Nao accepted sullenly. Pulling a chair over from the kitchenette, the blue haired girl spun it so the back faced Nao and sat in it reversed. She folded her arms over the back of the chair, nestled her head on them, and watched Nao take a tentative sip. "Nice outfit. Isn't it a little outdated?"

Nao swallowed the burning hot coffee and sighed with relief as the caffeine worked its way into her system. Processing the other girl's comment, she looked down her own body, looking at the old middle school uniform, torn and muddy. The previous year, she had graduated and moved on to high school, and Natsuki knew that. She pondered over her response, finally settling on the truth. "The high school uniform doesn't bring in the pedophiles quite as well."

"I'd imagine not." Natsuki replied with a wry smile.

Nao lay on the couch for a time as her headache eventually subsided into a mild throbbing pain. Natsuki had taken off the bodysuit while she was unconscious, and now she was wearing a deep blue long sleeved shirt with yellow English letters, plus a pair of faded jeans. How the hell did that girl manage to make such simple, boyish clothes look so good? Nao averted her eyesto keep her stares from being obvious. Looking at Natsuki's body brought up too many unpleasant memories from the nightmarish times of the Festival.

"That's going to leave quite a mark." Natsuki pointed out, breaking the uncomfortable silence. She gestured to Nao's eye.

Nao reached to tentatively touch the swollen skin around her eye. It was bruised and puffy around the entire socket, and extremely tender to the touch. By the morning, it would be shaded purple, testament to her combat. "I've had worse." she replied with a shrug.

"That eye isn't very lucky." Natsuki remarked wryly.

Nao couldn't help but crack a small smile in return, even if it was sardonic. The injured eye was her left, the same eye that had been punctured and destroyed by errant debris from their battle against one another; the same eye that had been given back to her by the Crystal Princess, after the defeat of the Obsidian Lord. "I guess I should take better care of it."

"That would be my advice. Your type of sport is a bit more dangerous now that our Elements are gone." The older girl advised with uncharacteristic tact. .

The redhead snorted. "You expect me to stop with my revenge just because it has become more challenging?"

Natsuki eyed her. She didn't respect what Nao did, but listening to the girl speak of revenge reminded the erstwhile HiME of herself. Given a different time and context, she could even see herself saying those words. "I suppose that's true."

Nao yawned widely. "What time is it? I should give Mama a call."

Natsuki stood and retrieved the mobile phone on the wall, handing it over before going back to the kitchenette to pour herself a mug of coffee. Though she didn't try and eavesdrop, she couldn't help but notice a different quality in Nao's voice as she talked with her mother. It was softer, and almost kind. It lacked the affronted tone Nao managed to inject into even the simplest sentences. She rounded the corner holding her mug, glancing over to see Nao with closed eyes and a gentle smile on her face. _So she's capable of those expressions too. Who would have thought?_ Nao mumbled a goodbye into the phone, then ended the call and tossed the handheld unit to Natsuki. "So…" she drawled.. "What do you have to do in this place?"

Natsuki hung the phone back in its cradle and pondered Nao's request. She had never entertained guests before. Her mind raced. What would Shizuru do? Probably some sort of tea ceremony, which wasn't really an option. She bit her lip nervously as Nao watched her contemplate. All she really had in the apartment were her various collections, and Nao probably wasn't into lingerie. "Well… do you like horror movies?"

"I like anything that makes me squirm." Nao intoned without a trace of humor.

Natsuki's face froze in confusion. _What the hell does that mean?_ Nao snickered as she watched her reaction. Natsuki got the distinct impression that Nao was teasing her. "You would." she shot back. "Anyway, I've always been a fan of the early Hollywood black and white horror movies. They aren't the greatest production quality, but given their time period, they're actually really amazing. You have to forgive a few things…" she shrugged.

"Sounds sort of interesting." Nao said cautiously.

Natsuki went over to her movie cabinet, scanning down the shelves of ancient VHS tapes, settling on one and put it into the player. She walked back towards her chair, but Nao had drawn herself up into a sitting position and was patting the recently vacated half of the couch. The couch was big enough to fit both of them with a decent gap, Natsuki reasoned, so she sat down in the softer seat.

"Sorry about the lack of subtitles." Natsuki warned as the movie began. Neither of them paid enough attention in English class to have any hope of understanding what the characters were saying.

Nao chuckled during the opening scene, as a woman screamed in horror, standing petrified in the path of a slowly oncoming mummy she could have easily fled. "If the dialog is half as bad as the special effects or the acting, I don't think we're missing much."

Natsuki narrowed her eyes, protective like a mother bear of the cheesy classics. "Hey now, these movies spawned a generation of…"

"Yes yes." Nao shushed her. "Believe it or not, I'm actually enjoying myself."

-----

Nao had tried valiantly to stay awake, but even strong willpower and caffeine combined couldn't override her battered body's need for rest. Down and down her mind spiraled, into a consuming, murky abyss. What small part of it that was still conscious felt a familiar rush of mixed dread and longing as the red haze of memories' timelessness came over her mind's eye; the haze that always accompanied clouded dreams of when she was bound to Julia. The times were jumbled in her head, confused by the boundless pain. She could feel the cold metal against the gaping pit in her head where an eye had once been, a searing ache that pierced her to the soul. Hate, desire, pain, loathing, passion, betrayal, love; emotions bombarded her without anything coherent attached to them, but ultimately, all of the dreams always returned to a single point: pressing against helpless Natsuki, metal claws parting the thin material of the black bodysuit, leaving small red trails down pale exposed skin. Haunting eyes stared back at her unseeingly as she leaned in, drawing in to steal a kiss, wanting so badly that her entire being ached.

-----

She gasped awake, sweating profusely, with the slow realization her head was nestled in Natsuki's lap. She half rose, but her vision swam and she collapsed back into her previous position, wincing in pain.

"You make funny noises when you're asleep. Nightmare?" the faintly amused voice above her asked.

Nao looked up, finding the lifeless eyes from her dream replaced by lively emerald orbs looking down at her with concern. "Of a sort." she replied evasively. "Are you comfortable like this?"

"I wasn't about to toss you, head wound and all, off my lap." Natsuki shrugged noncommittally. "I've been in worse positions. You sort of collapsed on me right around the good part of the movie."

She looked over to the screen; the movie was entering its final credits. Faint tickles of the dream not moments ago were becoming more difficult to brush it away. All the composure and mental control she had managed to regain after her initial angry outburst at Natsuki was slipping away. "Sorry."

Natsuki cocked her head to the side with a curious expression. "It's not like you to apologize for something silly like that."

Nao tried to match the other girl's curious gaze, to act like nothing was wrong, but she ended up swallowing guiltily. The imagery from the dreams assaulted her, and her cheeks felt as though they were aflame. She wanted to scream, cry, even choke the life out of the woman who destroyed her sanity without even realizing it. Most of all, she just wanted to steal that kiss she never had the courage to take. Instead she lay there and blushed. "I hate you."

Natsuki's smile vanished. "For what?"

"For what happened during the Festival. For... everything." She had to stop talking there, before she went into any more details. She tried to breathe deeply and calm herself, but her breath kept catching in her throat, silently choking her. Her voice sounded hoarse to her ears. "For making me feel like I need to apologize."

The dark haired girl above her was silent for a time, and every second was an agony. "Nao... look. You don't need to apologize. I forgave Shizuru, I forgave Yukariko and I forgave you. I don't know exactly what happened; I don't remember and I don't want to remember. So... just don't think about it, okay?"

_Don't think about it, she says._ The words cut through her like a knife. _And _w_hat if those times, as horrible as they were, were the only times in my life worth living? _She coughed, taking a deep breath. She could feel moisture at the corner of her eyes, and she tried to tell herself it was from the breathing difficulties. "It's hard not to." She swallowed hard, managing a bitter smile. "You taught me a lot about myself."

"Then remember the lessons, but don't think about what happened." Natsuki gently extracted herself from under Nao and stood, laying a blanket over the younger girl's body and smiling. "Simple, right?"

Nao watched the movie's final credit scroll by, the logo of the studio. They called the movie black and white, but it wasn't. Like everything in life, it was shades of gray. "Simple? I wish." Before sleep came to claim to redhead, she heard Natsuki intone a single word in response. It was Nao's favorite word, but from Natsuki, it sounded almost soothing.

"Baka."


	2. Shades of Gray: Torrential Downpour

Loose stones crunched underfoot. Natsuki felt around in her pocket, past her wallet, taking out a keyring and spinning it on a fingertip. It always was a joy to get out of school, but today was an especially good day, as she was expecting another letter from Shizuru.

When she was nearly at her motorcycle, a voice called out across the parking lot. "Hey!"

Natsuki turned, waving in greeting to the approaching redhead. Nao looked strangely mature in the golden high school uniform. "What's up?"

Nao glanced off to the side, taking a breath. "I hear Tokiha is trying to put together another karaoke party, to relieve the midterm stress. Mikoto relayed me an invitation."

"I got an invitation too." she replied carefully.

"You... planning on going?"

Natsuki eyed her warily. From Nao, the tone of the question almost sounded like an accusation. "I'm going to go, yeah."

Nao nodded. "Alright then. Can I hitch a ride with you?"

_So that is what this is about._ Even the most basic conversations with Nao were a challenge, she reflected. Natsuki knew that she might lack some social graces, but nearly everything Nao said sounded either condescending or confrontational. Once you learned to ignore that, however, things went a lot smoother, she had realized. "Motorcycles and skirts don't mix very well." she observed.

Nao looked down at her own pleated skirt, and then to Natsuki's bodysuit. "Well, if I tuck the back under me and stay pressed in close to you, I'll be fine."

"Suit yourself." She passed the riding helmet over. "Do you mind if we stop by my apartment first? I have some things to pick up."

Nao shook her head after putting on the helmet, lifting the visor to reply. "Let's drop by my place too. I want to get changed. I'll show you where it is."

Natsuki brought the engine to life with a roar, and she felt Nao's hands grip her tightly around the stomach, just below her breasts. The sensation of having someone hugging her closely was disconcerting. She powered out of the exit, heading for the newly reconstructed Fuuka bridge. As she downshifted while turning into the bridge access, she tried to distract herself by analyzing the girl who was gripping her tightly from behind.

More than two months had past since she had carried Nao's battered body to safety. Over that time, Nao had found various reasons to spend time over at her apartment, averaging around once a week. Even that small amount of company was a big change for Natsuki, but not an entirely unwelcome one. She was a private person by nature, however, Nao had an uncanny ability to recognize when she wouldn't mind some company, and then tended to invite herself over. For all Nao's social shortcomings, she never once managed to annoy Natsuki. While they were together, they would watch horror movies, drink coffee, sometimes even banter a little, but for the most part they stayed quiet. Did that even qualify as friendship? Natsuki normally wouldn't have bothered with the semantics of putting a term to it, but Shizuru had asked in one of their letters weeks back. She had answered negatively in writing, but the question still nagged at her.

They arrived at Natsuki's building, and pair walked up a flight of stairs to the familiar apartment. She drew her mail from its box, fingering through the pile. In the middle was a light purple envelope, the front emblazoned with the kanji for her name in Shizuru's elegant scrawl. Her heart thudded in her chest. She casually let herself into the apartment with the key, and Nao walked in behind her. "Anything interesting in the mail?" the redhead asked without sounding as though she cared.

Out of Nao's sight, Natsuki covertly slid Shizuru's letter into the pocket on the inside of her bodysuit's jacket. "Nothing really." she lied, tossing the remainder of the mail onto the table, letting it slide across the polished surface and spread out. "Nothing but junk mail and bills."

"How droll." Nao pulled out a file and began to work on her nails. "Didn't you say you had to get something?"

Natsuki bit her lip. "Uh... well... I just wanted to check my mail. Let's go."

Nao eyed her, but turned and headed back down the stairs, pocketing the nail file. Natsuki felt the envelope against her chest like a branding iron. She had asked some questions in last week's letter, and she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers. Waves of anxiety pounded her, but she suppressed them and vowed to spend her time at karaoke without worrying about the letter.

The ride cleared her head. They blazed down city streets, passing slower moving traffic. Nao had quickly adapted to travel at breakneck speeds, gripping her body against Natsuki's tightly with one arm and letting the other trail in the wind. As she screamed directions to her house over the cutting wind, Natsuki could hear the adrenaline in her voice. Nao loved the speed as much as she did. It was really scary how much they had in common.

The buildings thinned out, the blurred lights and muted sounds of the city dissipating away. "You live all the way out here in the suburbs?" she yelled back.

"Turn here." Nao interjected, guiding Natsuki down a rapidly approaching turn. "Yeah, I moved out here during the summer."

"It's quite a hike to get to school. Didn't you used to live in a dorm?"

"That street up ahead, third house on the right." Nao pointed, sighing as the high speed ride came to an end. "I wanted to move in with Mama. Even still, I'm only about ten minutes from the start of the Fuuka subway line on foot. Its worth it... I didn't get to spend any time with her for six years, you know?"

"Right." Natsuki felt another wash of emotions, thinking about lost and regained mothers. More things she didn't need on a day she had dedicated to relaxation and enjoyment. Natsuki parked the bike, and turned towards the modest house.

Nao opened the door for her with a key, calling out into the empty foyer. "I'm home, Mama. I brought a friend." Nao gestured her towards the kitchen, then took off down the house's main hall.

Alone in the kitchen, Natsuki's curiosity got the better of her. Slipping the envelope out of its hiding place, she gently tore it open. A soft scent of lavender tickled her nose, and she smiled. Shizuru was probably one of the last people on the planet to bother with the tradition of scenting envelopes. She started to slip the letter out, but footsteps beside her sent her to a near panic. She stuffed it back into the pocket of her jacket and turned around, masking a guilty expression.

"Ah, welcome. You're Nao-chan's friend?" Nao's mother was startlingly young, barely into her thirties, unless Natsuki missed her guess. Her close cropped hair was a more muted shade of Nao's sanguine red, but her emerald eyes sparkled with the same mischief.

"Um... Missus Yuuki?" Natsuki always felt self conscious around adults, for some reason.

The woman smiled. "Missus? Why... did Nao-chan ever tell you about her father?"

"No... though I got the impression she didn't know him very well."

"Oh... well, neither did I." she remarked airily.

"Ah." _She baited me into that. At least I know where Nao got her sense of humor._ Natsuki refused to be embarrassed. "Um... sorry?"

"Don't be. And call me Kaori."

Natsuki blinked at that. It wasn't often someone twice your age requests you call them by their first name within minutes of meeting. "Well, thank you for having me over, Kaori-san."

Kaori smiled pleasantly, then stopped short, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. "You're... Kuga Natsuki, aren't you."

Natsuki bit her lip. "Nao has told you about me?"

"Only good things, I assure you." came the lighthearted response.

"Somehow I doubt that. We didn't meet under ideal circumstances."

The mother shook her hand dismissively. "First impressions aren't everything. People change, you know."

As Natsuki mulled over that, Nao walked in behind them, an appraising look on her face. "Talking about me behind my back?" She eyed Natsuki with mock suspicion. At least Natsuki thought it was mocking. It was hard to tell sometimes, with Nao.

Kaori pulled Nao into a embrace, squeezing her tightly. "Welcome home, Nao-chan. You should bring friends home more often."

Nao smiled apologetically, a genuine look that few people ever saw on that face. "We were actually just heading out. We're going to karaoke."

Kaori sighed wistfully. "Well, have fun, you two. Oh, and before you leave. Natsuki-chan? Do you like cooking?"

"Well... uh..." Natsuki stalled. Kaori waited with a small smile. "It's just... I'm not all that good at it."

Another teasing look from Kaori. "I seem to remember a story about a re-examination that didn't go so well." Natsuki felt her cheeks flush, and Nao's head sank into her hands. "Well, anyway, I was planning on giving cooking lessons to Nao-chan in a few days, before that unit in her Home Education course. You're welcome to join, if you'd like."

Natsuki teetered uncertainly. She hated cooking, and hadn't planned on ever getting good at it. Instant ramen and takeout had been the staple of her diet ever since her mom had died years and years ago, and she was satisfied with that. Girls who wanted Mai-level cooking abilities seemed too much like they were making a pathetic grasp at being good wife material. But, then again, she would be forced to take Home Education over again in her final semester. All Fuuka Academy students needed the credit to graduate, and she had failed it the first time as a freshman because of poor attendance. It _would_ be a bit nice if she had a grasp the basics. "All... alright, I'll come."

Kaori looked delighted, and Nao's expression was strange and unreadable. Instantly, Natsuki regretted her decision. She _hated_ cooking. But there wasn't anything to be done now, at least not politely.

-----

The duo made their way through the karaoke shop, inquiring at the front desk as to the room Mai had reserved. When they finally entered, it was empty except for a strawberry blond boy with his back to the door, testing the microphone up on stage.

"Enjoying yourself, Tate?" Natsuki smirked by way of greeting.

Yuuichi spun to face them, looking sheepish. "Oh, hey you too. You're early, but that's fine. Mai is just out getting food for the gang. I was just going to... uh... practice." He gave an embarrassed grin. "Mai swears that she's going to get me to sing this time, so I'm just a little..."

"Nervous about your performance?" Nao held out the last syllable of the word, the phrase dripping with potential.

"Maybe a lit- NO!" He cut himself off, reversing his statement as his brain processed Nao's double entendre. "Of... of course not."

"It's nice to see a man with confidence." Nao drawled sarcastically, collapsing lazily on the upholstery.

"Erm... right." Yuuichi coughed nervously. "I'm going to go check on Mai."

Natsuki held a grin in check as he made a graceful exit, then sat down to Nao, who had curled up on the expansive couch. "Sometimes I wonder if you even do that consciously."

"Do what?" the redhead replied, the picture of innocence.

"The way you toy with people... make them feel uncomfortable. Tate looked like he swallowed his own tongue, and you were only in the same room as him for a matter of seconds." She paused, treading on sensitive ground. "I mean... he's Tate. He's a little thick skulled sometimes, but I doubt he's going to grow up to be a child molester."

Nao hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged by way of answering. "It's nothing personal against him. I just do what comes naturally."

Natsuki patted her on the shoulder. "Maybe you should try and check that impulse sometimes. Be a little more friendly."

Nao arched one eyebrow incredulously, using her fingers and thumb on either hand to emulate a pair of hand puppets talking to one another. "Hello, kettle? This is pot. You're black."

"That's different." Natsuki protested. "I'm a private person... but you... you drive people away. There's a difference."

Nao smiled placatingly. "I'm sure there is. I guess someone would have to be _pretty_ pathetic to have only me to spend time with on a regular basis."

Natsuki had had months to get used to Nao's acrid sense of humor, so she simply retorted in kind. "Almost as pathetic as the girl who jumped a good six inches out of her chair while we were watching _The Ring_."

Nao glowered at Natsuki. "Not fair. You're a horror movie freak who's probably watched that movie a hundred times. It was my first."

Natsuki knew from Nao's defensive remark she had found a weak spot, and exploited it with glee. "Scardy-cat."

Nao hesitated for a second, back pedaling, before finding a suitable retaliation. "Lingerie freak."

Natsuki winced at the memory of Nao stumbling into her _other_ collection late one night a few weeks ago. "Coward." she shot back with a smirk.

Nao's comeback was interrupted by Yuuichi and Mai returning, both overburdened with food from the Linden Baum and boxes of pizza. Natsuki got up to help them, exchanging pleasantries with Mai, but when she looked back, all traces of the amusement were gone from Nao's face, replaced by a standard bored expression she wore in front of everyone but Natsuki and her mother. Natsuki sighed, and returned to chatting with Mai.

-----

"And then! And then!" Mikoto rambled breathlessly from where she sat next to Nao. "Takeda-taichou yelled at me! He said I wasn't allowed to use moves like that."

"Oh really?" Nao almost felt bad for Takeda. There's no way he could have known what he was getting himself into when he allowed this underdeveloped girl to join his Kendo team. Still, she played along. "It's combat, isn't it? Why can't you win however you want?"

"That's what I said!" Mikoto enthused. "Besides, I only hit him down there once. Maybe twice. But Takeda-taichou said I was disquar..." Her face screwed up in concentration. "Disquan..."

"Disqualified?" Nao suggested helpfully.

"Yup yup! That's the word." Mikoto scowled indignantly. "I think it means you lose the match, even though you really won." She brightened up. "But they're making me learn forms now, and that's really fun!" She put up her hands as though she were grasping an invisible shinai, and began to slash at Nao's prostrate form from different angles, shouting out the names of her attacks.

Nao smirked, letting her attention wander up to the stage. It looked like Yuuichi had used the karaoke machine's random selection feature, and ended up with a female pop artist's song. His renewed bid for freedom was foiled by Mai and Yukino, who were forcibly restraining him and pushing the microphone in his face. He finally relented miserably as the song began, throwing off the two females and belting out the lyrics. His voice was decent but unpracticed, and his attempts at replacing the feminine words with their male equivalents left strange gaps in the rhythm of the lyrics. Mai and Yukino shouted encouragements to him from their position crouched near the stage as he wailed on about the feelings in his heart.

In the mean time, Mikoto had ceased her mock assault. "Even though I got disqually-whatevered, Mai still made the special ramen she promised for me. It was _super_ delicious."

Natsuki, sitting on the other side of Nao, reached forward and grabbed two pieces of pizza. She leaded over the redhead, handing one to Mikoto while keeping the other for herself. "You really love Mai, don't you?" Mikoto, her mouth already stuffed full with the majority of her slice, could only nod as vigorously as humanly possible.

Nao felt her stomach in knots, all her composure destroyed by Natsuki's innocent question. She glared at Mikoto fiercely, who luckily was too consumed in eating pizza to notice. _What would you know about love, Mikoto? _she snarled in her head. Nao had once had plans for Mikoto... until she had realized what Mikoto truly was. The feral girl gave everything she was and everything she had for someone she cared about, and asked for nothing in return. It was an innocent, platonic emotion. It had made her incredibly easy to manipulate into helping with Nao's revenge in the streets. Someday, someone crueler than Nao would take advantage of that and hurt her deeply. Nao had tried to explain this to Mikoto many times as they strolled graffiti filled alleyways, reiterating her points endlessly with an uncharacteristic motivation born of even more uncharacteristic concern for someone else's well being. In the end, it was for naught, and Mikoto still loved without regard for her safety. In any even, Nao had tried her best, and had washed her hands clean.

While Nao had been thinking, the final guests had arrived. Mai was squealing in delight as a smiling Takumi arrived, followed by an uncomfortable looking Akira. Nao wanted to distract herself from bitter thoughts, so she turned to Natsuki, poking the taller girl in the ribs to get her attention. "Hey... which one is the boy and which one is the girl? I can never keep the two straight." 

Natsuki turned slowly to face her, her expression dark but tinged with an edge of amusement. "I think the one you kidnapped and tried to kill would be the boy."

Nao put on a face of innocent smile. "You mean the one carrying the pink cake with yellow icing spelling out 'Let's all try our best'?"

Natsuki made a sidelong glance at Takumi, who was proudly showing off the cake to Mai and Yukino. "Indeed."

"I don't know how I ever got them confused." Nao snickered.

Takumi took the stage with a gentle love song's opening notes playing, and picked up the microphone with a flourish. Yukino joined Nao and Natsuki on the couch, sitting down with her face flushed from laughter. Natsuki had just finished polishing off a slice of pizza, and Nao watched her engage in small talk with Yukino.

As she sat unoccupied, a small rumble of dissatisfaction ran through Nao. In the two months since she had begun spending time with Natsuki, she had been genuinely enjoying herself, and it didn't even come at someone else's expense. But lately things had stagnated. It wasn't something specific she could put her finger on; Nao wasn't entirely positive about what she wanted herself. It wasn't about love... that flew in the face of everything that she believed in. All she knew was, she wanted things to _move_. She had tried to reason her way through her feelings and form a plan of action, but she always ended up hitting a wall of uncertainly at some point. She had tried to talk about it with Mama, but her mother had only laughed sweetly. '_You don't plan these sorts of things out, Nao-chan. They just happen._' she had said with a knowing smile. Nao bit her lip in frustration. Being paralyzed into inaction by her own indecision was a new and infuriating experience. With nothing else to do, Nao honed in on the conversation between Yukino and Natsuki.

"And how's life as the Executive Director of the Suzushiro Executive Team?"

"Well... I don't do much disciplining anymore... Haruka-chan was much more talented at that than I." Yukino replied diplomatically, adjusting her glasses. "But I've taken over most of the current President's job regarding corporate sponsorship and event planning. Until I started dealing with the companies, I didn't realize how stressful and how much work it was. Shizuru-san truly was an amazing person."

Shizuru's name made Nao's skin crawl, but the effect on Natsuki was much more profound. Simply the mentioning of Shizuru's name seemed to make Natsuki flinch, her eyes unfocusing as she thought about the ex-president. The reaction sent a stab of jealousy lancing through Nao, grinding her teeth as Natsuki's eyes turned away from Yukino with an uncertain expression. "Well... Shizuru aside..." she mumbled before trailing off, her attempt at continuing the conversation failing in the face of unbidden memories of the Festival. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment, and then Natsuki stood up with a trembling apologetic smile. "I... uh... I'll be right back."

Nao watched her walk away, and felt a slow sensation of panic build inside of her. After all this time of being separated, Shizuru's name still had that much of an effect on Natsuki? Nao had always known Shizuru would be the largest stumbling block, but she hadn't fathomed how deep Shizuru's claws were dug into Natsuki's being until witnessing that just now. Searing jealously threatened to overwhelm all her other thoughts. She drew in a breath, trying to relax her hands out of the fists she had unconsciously formed, and stood. "I'll be right back too."

-----

The door on the farthest back stall in the women's room hung open. Nao leaned against the tiled wall by the entrance, teetering on the edge of uncertainty. She wanted to believe, she dared to hope, but there was no denying this one moment could destroy everything. Try as she might to pretend it didn't matter, and no matter that caring this much broke all of her own rules... she knew that if what she was about to do ended badly, she would truly have lost something important.

It was so silly. Manipulating other people's emotions was second nature to her, yet in this one case, in the most important moment, she faltered. She could get a hundred people she despised to throw themselves at her feet, and she couldn't even make a scratch in the iron casing around the heart of the one girl she actually cared about.

Burying the paralyzing self-doubt, she began before she could second guess herself any more. Leaning around the corner, she poked her head in the stall. "You alright?" she asked, trying to inject mild concern into her voice and mask the tremulous sea of other emotions.

Natsuki was sitting on the closed seat of the Western style toilet, clutching a lavender piece of paper and reading it over. Her bloodshot eyes flashed wide with panic, apparently caught unaware by Nao's unstealthy approach, and she thrusted the paper into her pocket. Her voice was a cold fury, sniffing and blinking. "Yeah... yeah, I'm fine."

Nao wasn't sure what the paper was, but she pretended not to see it, concentrating on the girl in front of her instead. "You don't look fine." she stated plainly.

Natsuki's eyes bored into her, an icy expression intended to ward away compassion. _I don't need your comfort. _Looking into a gaze that would wither the kindest of hearts, Nao kept her eyes locked with Natsuki's, a small smile on her lips. _You aren't fooling anyone. _Natsuki finally relented and broke the eye contact, the smallest of concessions. After a long silence, Nao offered an extended hand, and after an even longer silence, Natsuki hesitantly took it. Bringing the taller girl to her feet, Nao continued to pull after Natsuki was standing, using the momentum to draw them into an embrace.

Nao gently draped her arms around Natsuki's shoulders, resting her head against Natsuki's chest, and closed her eyes tightly. Her heart was beating faster than the wings of a butterfly, driven by pure terror. The unexpected contact had made Natsuki seize up, her body stiff and unwelcoming, the very picture of a poor reception. All of her worst fears confirmed, Nao's mind screamed at her to let go... to pretend she had done it to taunt Natsuki and make her uncomfortable... that this was all a cruel prank. The only thing that let her hold on, was the knowledge that if she gave up now, she would hate herself even more. Then, hope against hope, Natsuki slowly relaxed into the embrace. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around Nao's waist, drawing them closer and returning the comfort. Nao slowly exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Natsuki's body was warm, and she could feel the other girl's breathing as her chest rose and fell. She was an addictive blanket of warmth.

When they finally parted, Nao tried to assume her normal mask of nonchalance in the uncomfortable aftermath. Natsuki looked equally unsettled, though likewise more by uncertainty than any regret.

"So... what was all that about?" Natsuki finally asked, dragging a sleeve across her eyes to dry them and running her fingers through her bangs, fixing her hair in the mirror.

"Eh..." Nao let a sardonic grin cross her features. "You looked like you could use a hug."

"Che." Natsuki scoffed, glowering into the mirror. She turned slowly, eventually showing a sad smile. "Yeah... I guess I did. But don't you dare tell let anyone know this happened."

Nao winked. "It will be our secret."

-----

The karaoke party broke up not long after, and they headed off after saying their goodbyes to the rest of their friends. Despite what had happened, they shared nothing but silence on the ride home. It started to rain heavily when they were halfway to Nao's house, and the redhead was thoroughly soaked when they arrived. She mumbled a goodbye and ran towards her door, letting herself in with a key. Natsuki watched her enter, and stared at the closed door for a while before driving off. Conflicting thoughts and desires kept boiling to the surface, no matter how many times she tried to push them down.

She had meant to drive straight back to her apartment, but here she was, hugging the slick pavement at wildly unsafe speeds down the familiar old mountain road. At this velocity, the individual drops felt like bullets, flensing her skin even through the protection of the bodysuit. The adrenaline from the speed and danger could make her forget her problems, but only until she stopped driving.

A familiar outcropping loomed ahead, the spot where her battered body had rolled to a stop when Nao had ambushed her back during the Festival. She slid the bike into a stop and pulled over. The half circle of the overlook jutting out from the roadway ended abruptly after only a matter of feet, the rock face sliced clean through by Shizuru's glaive so many months ago. She slid her helmet off, letting it fall from her fingers carelessly, turning her exposed face up into torrential downpour. As she watched the roiling stormscape above, the water pelted her face in sheets, and rivulets of rain water streamed down the contours of her features like miniature rivers.

She wanted to feel relieved, to pretend that today had done her well. She had midterm exams coming up, and she couldn't afford to be upset and distracted. Nao had tried to help, and for a time it had. There was a strange sort of enjoyment in having the redhead in her arms, knowing that for some unfathomable reason, Nao cared about her. But even that just reminded her of the other person who cared about her... the other hug that she had shared.

With her breath catching in her throat, she leaned against the newly installed rail, pulling her matted bangs out of her eyes and slid the lavender paper out of her bodysuit's pocket. She had only a moment to glance over Shizuru's letter before the deluge soaked through the paper and made the ink run, obliterating the elegant scrawl. It didn't matter. The words were burned into her mind. '_You will always be mine, now and forever_'. 

It shouldn't have come as a suprise. Shizuru had made her feelings clear before she left, but Natsuki had thought she could ignore them and continue thier relationship. Shizuru had been a pillar of strength in her life for so long, she didn't even know if she could exist without that support. Every letter had been a joy, and crafting a response in her wretched penmanship had been a weekly ritual. She choked down a sob as her hand gripped the slippery railing. Why had she deluded herself into thinking that things could go back to the way they had been? Why did Shizuru have to fall in love with her?

A blast of wind whipped past her, tearing all but a tiny corner of the letter out of her hand. Carried down by the winds and rain, she watched the soggy wreckage of the letter fall to the waves crashing against the jagged shoals below. She numbly stuffed the remaining scrap back into her pocket with a pale hand, mounting up her motorcyle, and headed home.

-----

Author's Note: I'm not sure why so many people thought the first part was a oneshot, but trust that there is an overall plot line and significantly more is coming.


	3. Shades of Gray: A Vigil Interrupted

When you wake, it can be hard to tell how much time has past since you fell asleep. It was a fact Kaori knew all too well.

As the room came into focus, she brushed away the last traces of sleep from her eyes, her movements slowly gaining urgency. She stood abruptly from the chair she had accidentally fallen asleep in, her novel clattering to the hardwood floor, the unmarked page lost. She grabbed the digital clock on her nightstand and turned it to face her. The blazing red display showed '05:07 AM'. She had only been asleep for a half hour, thankfully, but that did little to assuage her worry. She had failed in her vigil for the first time.

Her slipper-clad feet padded down the hallway surreptitiously, bringing her to Nao's bedroom. She placed her hand on the cold metal handle, drawing in a tight breath as she opened the door silently, careful not to make a sound. The sight of Nao's sleeping form, laced by silver moonlight, sent a wave of relief through her. She leaned against the door frame as the panic receded, putting her nursing degree to some use as she checked for injuries, and finding none visible. Nao had managed to survive another night.

As her breathing returned to normal, Kaori continued to watch her daughter slumber. Since the very beginning of their living together, she had known that reintegrating herself into her daughter's life would be difficult. Nao was loving and kind at home, but when Kaori saw her daughter with other people, she saw Nao become a different person. She was sickly sweet, but behind that facade dwelled a cruel and malicious side she wouldn't have imagined. At first, she had rationalized that it was her fault that Nao had become that way; that she hadn't recovered from the lack of a parental figure through most of her formulative years. So she had showered Nao with support and love, and hoped for the best. But even months later, with the sole exception of Natsuki, Nao still wasn't making new friends or associating with people any more than she had to.

But even more worrying than that, was Nao's habit of sneaking out of the house late at night, only to come back home with various unexplained wounds early in the morning. Kaori had tried to sit down and talk with her about it, but her daughter only stared back at her calmly. _I'm looking for answers, Mama. I just... need to keep looking._ Kaori had put on a strained smile, and accepted it. What right did she have to come back into her daughter's life, and then go about changing it? But on the nights that Nao left, a knot of helpless terror coiled in her stomach, and she would lie awake in bed, trying to pass the time without dwelling on what might happen.

Most nights, Nao came back and returned to bed without saying anything. Occasionally, she would return with lacerations bad enough to require bandages, and then Kaori would walk into the bathroom as her daughter patched herself up. The first few times, at least, Nao had the grace to look ashamed. But after that, it became a ritual: Kaori would treat her wounds expertly and silently, laying down a final layer of disinfectant and pressing down a bandage. Nao would hug her, equally wordlessly. In the morning, they would have breakfast as usual, and not speak of it.

Kaori had been at a loss of what to do, until recently. Meeting Natsuki, and watching Nao interact with her, had formed the spark of a plan in Kaori's mind. Today was the day that Natsuki was coming over for cooking lessons, so she had best get some sleep. She could still get in a few hours before the object of her daughter's affections arrived.

-----

Author's Note: Short chapter. It was originally intended to be the first section of a larger third chapter, but I decided to put this up separately. There was some confusion about chapter two, which is my fault. I didn't know how works with chapter updates. Essentially, I deleted the old chapter two and posted the completed one, but some people couldn't review again because there wasn't a net gain of chapters (?), and other people thought I simply hadn't updated. I assure you, nearly a 1000 words were added to the end of the old chapter two. My apologies if you were confused. I'll make sure to post new material separately in new chapters from here on out.

I've written quite a bit more than this, but its in segments scattered throughout the story's time line. It's taking me a little while to get down exactly how I want to go from here on out. Unfortunately, I've had more comments about Nao being out of character than I really feel comfortable with. I'm not so sure I'm doing a good job getting across exactly how she's changed. She's had a few months to live with her mother, and to let her life return to normalcy. Her mother being there for her, I think, would give Nao a lot more stability and make her a bit more human. Granted, that's not going to give Nao closure on all of her various issues, but it would help. I guess on some level, I'd like to think that people are just reacting negatively to Nao's lack of cruelty because they aren't taking the above factors into consideration. But I firmly believe its my job as an author to make the character's changes believable, so I'll try and do a better job in the future.

Also... some people seem confused about Natsuki. They ask 'why can Natsuki accept Nao's feelings and not Shizuru's?' Quite simple, really... Natsuki doesn't accept Nao's feelings, mostly because she doesn't even realize they exist. Natsuki relied on Shizuru for nearly three years for support and advice. When the events of the Festival destroyed a lot of that trust, she tried to forget about it and continue to have a supportive friendship with Shizuru, but Shizuru's most recent letter destroyed that hope. So Natsuki is turning more and more to Nao for support. It's important to note that Nao's intentions are hardly more innocent than Shizuru's. Luckily, Natsuki is a bit of a dunce when it comes to recognizing when other people are in love with her, so no explosions (yet).

Stay tuned, and until next time...

Tremalkinger


	4. Shades of Gray: A Day for Cooking

Author's Note: If you want to see what's been making my updates take so long, follow this link:

www.animemusicvideos .org/members/members (underscore) videoinfo.php?v (equals) 108798

You'll have to copy and paste the address into your web browser, and remove the spaces, replace (underscore) with an underscore and (equals) with an equal sign. Nothing is simple here (smile) It's a Mai HiME music video… and that page will give you more details. On with the fic.

-----

Her helmet dangled carelessly from a sole handlebar, still jingling and swinging on its cord from the abrupt parking outside the Yuuki's house. Natsuki pocketed her keys after giving them a single spin around an extended digit. She tried to relax and feel comfortable, but she couldn't help but wring her hands as she walked to the door. Her throat felt dry, a symptom of the impending uncomfortable meeting with another member of the older generation. In most cases, her inherent dislike for people over the age of thirty had proven well founded, but Kaori seemed to be an all together nice woman. The inability to get over this nagging dread for this meeting felt too much like a phobia for Natsuki to accept it. She cleared her throat in quiet determination, not quiet feeling it, then rang the bell with a sigh of resignation.

Wearing an dark blue apron, the woman she knew to be Kaori opened the door with a smile. "Natsuki-chan... welcome to our humble abode."

Natsuki crossed the threshold, smiling back. "Sorry that I'm late. Traffic was bad in the city."

"Don't worry... Nao-chan hasn't even gotten out of bed yet." Kaori winked with a bemused smile. "She had a late night last night."

_I'll bet._ Natsuki thought darkly. _Probably out entangling more gang members, trying to get herself killed._ The thought sent a spike of worry through her, before her more cynical side smothered the feeling. _Her idiotic vigilante crusade doesn't concern me. She's made that much clear. _"That's fine. I can wait."

"I'll rouse Nao-chan out of bed in a bit, but before that..." She retreated back into the kitchen, beckoning.

_Before that? _Natsuki considered as she followed. _That sounds foreboding._

"How do you take your coffee?" Kaori delayed, pouring the steaming black liquid into a pair of mugs.

"Black is fine."

The mother brought both mugs with her back to the table sans additives, gently placing one on a coaster in front of her guest, and taking a long sip from the other as she sat in a seat opposite Natsuki. They drank in silence, the air heavy with anticipation. While enjoying the rich brew, Natsuki tried making observations about her host unobtrusively. Kaori had an aura of maturity, but lacked the dour severity that marked the onset of middle age. She simply resembled an older version of high school graduate, one who's free spirit hadn't been ravaged by the passage of time. Given her past, though, that was probably more accurate than she had first considered.

Finally, Kaori finished her drink and folded her hands. "Natsuki, can I make a selfish request of you?"

_Now that's an ominous question. _She phrased her response carefully, riding the fine line between pointed and rude. "You can request whatever you like... whether I agree or not is a different matter."

Kaori grinned, an expression that bespoke approval of the slightly snarky response. "Fair enough." She leaned back in the chair, settling for a long talk. "Do you know about Nao's nightly trips?"

Natsuki contemplated her response, stalling for time with a long sip. "I know of them, yes. She often ends up in the areas around my apartment, and we've even run into each other a few times."

Kaori nodded slowly. "I don't know what it is she does out there, but..." she hesitated, raising a finger to silence any potential explanations from Natsuki, not that any were forthcoming. "I don't really want to know any details." She took a slow breath. "I know enough. I know that she's doing things that are dangerous, and it deeply worries me."

Natsuki ran her finger around the rim of her nearly empty mug, already seeing where this was going. "I don't mean to sound rude but... can't you just tell her to stop?"

Kaori dropped her gaze, her eyes almost sad. "That's the crux of the problem. Could I tell her to stop? Force her to stop? Sure I could. She'd probably even listen to me. But whatever is driving her to do these destructive things..." Kaori trailed off, letting the silence linger for a time. "I think... it would pool inside her, and eventually, it would destroy her."

Natsuki regarded the woman in front of her with a strange sort of respect. Never before had she seen someone look so weak and yet so strong at the same time. "I never really thought about it that way."

Kaori smiled the gentlest of smiles, her gaze on her own empty mug. "Five months ago, I woke up inside the burned out shell of a building, cradled in the arms of my daughter, who I hadn't seen since the day she left for elementary school, seven years previous. She was beaten and battered, both emotionally and physically, but she was my Nao-chan." She drew in a shuddering breath at the memory. "Afterwards, the doctors couldn't explain how I had come out of the coma, much less found clothes and walked halfway across the city. All of my assets were still in place, and the hospital I had wasted seven years of my life dreaming away in had an opening for a nurse practitioner with exactly my credentials. It was all perfect, as if the world was waiting for my return." Her gaze flickered back up to Natsuki. "But I've been living in a dream, ever since I woke up, Natsuki-chan... a dream I'm deserately afraid of waking up from. I keep waiting for the world to come crashing back down... to steal my Nao-chan away from me again. Every night she leaves is torture. But I can't force her to stop... no matter how badly I want to. I need to let her find the peace she needs to. But you..." Her eyes hardened, as though she had finally come to a decision, and her gaze was forceful yet kind. "Will you help her? Give her the support that as her mother, I cannot? Will you help her find peace?"

-----

Kaori made her way out of the kitchen. The image of Natsuki, not responding, simply looking to the side in a muted silence, was burned into her memory. Kaori would have given a thousand fortunes to be given a glance into the twisted mirage of thoughts buried deep behind those eyes. But even Kaori, who had considered herself talented and figuring out complicated people, couldn't fathom what resided inside this girl, who's fate was so interwoven with her daughter's.

At length, Natsuki had finally given an quiet nod. From the little Kaori knew about the girl, even a tentative agreement to be responsible for someone else's happiness was a big step. Kaori remembered her younger years quite clearly, back when she was in her last year of high school, with an unhappy past and a grudge against the world. She had been a lot like Natsuki, actually. It had taken a tragedy to make her snap out of it, but Natsuki and Nao had seen enough tragedy for women many times their age already.

Still, Natsuki had agreed, hadn't she? That was as much as Kaori could have hoped for. A safe distance away through the house, she let out slow chuckle. Unless she missed her guess, things were going to become quite interesting.

-----

Alone, Natsuki held her head in her hands, rocking back and forth. _Ugh. What did I get myself into?_ Kaori's impassioned plea had held her spellbound, but when the older woman left, so did a majority of her confidence. Natsuki wasn't really the meddling type, and besides, Nao didn't _want _anyone interfere with her life, did she? The question lingered in her mind. To all outwards appearance, Nao warded everyone, even Natsuki, away from her nightly forays. Was it all just a cry for attention? She sighed for what seemed like the dozenth time during her internal monolog. She wasn't a babysitter. Nao could take care of herself, and had been since way before Natsuki even met her. Still... Kaori's plea had a strange effect on her.

She looked up as Nao entered the room. A greeting formed on her lips, but died as she watched Nao stumble across the room, her eyes only narrowed, sleepy slits. The recently roused girl was clad in only a long white tee-shirt that came down to her mid thigh, her apparent sleepwear. She shambled, zombie-like, towards the coffee maker. Her unsteady hand poured a glass up the the very brim, clutching the vessel with both hands as she turned and leaned against the counter. Facing Natsuki with slitted eyes, but still lacking any cognizance of her surroundings, she drank the beverage with no regard to the liquid's searing temperature. As the stimulant worked its way into her system, Nao's eyes slowly opened, and she recognized a bemused Natsuki sitting at the kitchen table, watching her. She choked in surprise, the movement from her coughing spilling a good portion of her drink down the front of her shirt, leaving a dark brown stain across the white fabric.

She set the cup down, clearing the last of the coffee from her windpipe with a final cough. When she had recovered enough to talk again, she shot an angry glare at Natsuki. "What are you doing in my house?"

It took all of Natsuki's self control to suppress her mirth. "Well, it just so happens your mother suggested I come over. Something about cooking lessons... I believe you were there when she extended the invitation." She twirled a finger through her hair innocently.

She brushed at the stain ineffectually. "But it's only..." she trailed off, looking at the clock.

"Noon?" Natsuki countered swiftly, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards. "Yes... it is _only_ noon."

Nao rubbed one eye in resignation. "Whatever." She tugged the soiled tee shirt, straightening it, then refilled her mug. "I'll go change in a bit, but for now, you'll just have to deal with me like this while I finish a new cup.

Natsuki shrugged. "I've seen you in worse shape."

Nao grumbled something unintelligible as she settled into a chair, still not entirely awake.

Minutes passed as they drank in silence, but then a nagging question resurfaced in Natsuki's mind. "Nao... how much does your mother know about the Festival?"

Nao drummed her fingers on the table. "Not too much."

Natsuki waited for her to elaborate, but after several moments, it became apparent she wasn't going to. "Not too much? What does that mean? You didn't tell her anything?"

"She never asked." Nao shrugged complacently.

"She just accepted everything? Without any kind of explanation?"

"What would I even tell her if I wanted to explain? I barely even remember much of what happened." She glanced in Natsuki's direction. "Mostly just flashes of anger... holding you hostage and feeling a wretched sort of enjoyment from it."

"You love being a villian, don't you?"

"Villian?" she retorted. "I think my anger was justified. You and everyone else jumped to conclusions and attacked me. That's what started everything."

Natsuki swallowed. "I regret that, you know. Maybe that helps you understand, why... when we were on the roof with Shizuru..."

"That's why you made her spare me?" Nao raised an eyebrow sarcastically.

"Well... the other reason, I already told you. We're similar, you and I."

"For better or for worse." Nao agreed. "But, after you saved me on the roof... all I wanted to do was die." She grimaced. "I went off into the seediest part of town and picked a fight with the meanest people I could find. Even without Julia or my Elements, I still got a few good knocks in. But they backed me up into an abandoned building, and..." she pursed her lips, not bothering to detail her likely fate. "But... then some freaky ghost version of Mashiro showed up and saved me." She shook her head quietly. "And then there she was... lying in my arms. That same peaceful face I had been going to visit weekly since the attack, only now her eyes were open, and she..." Nao let the half sentence hang, gazing off into the distance for a moment, then snorted. "What the hell is wrong with me? You've got me talking all sappy." She rolled her eyes, then sighed at Natsuki. "Well? What about you?"

Natsuki felt fairly off balance. "Me?"

"I told you my story, didn't I?"

"What... about where I was when the Festival ended?" she extrapolated. A nod from the redhead confirmed it. "Well... you know most of the story. Mai continued her streak, defeating Sister Yukariko and burning down the Fuuka Chapel."

"Didn't I tell you? Her Child was a monster."

"And then Shiho attacked Mai, but Mikoto intervened and defeated Shiho." Natsuki continued.

"I bet Oniichan was thrilled."

"Tate? He died gracefully. Mai was something of a wreck, though." The recitation felt surreal to Natsuki. For months and months, the topic had simply been taboo. Now they were recalling the killings like the results of last weeks baseball game. Nao seemed morbidly interested, and had the right to know, but Natsuki felt impending doom as the discussion progressed.

"Mmm... and then Mai killed Shizuru?" Nao speculated without a trace of emotion.

Natsuki's stomach lurched sickeningly as she remembered the next step to their tragic journey. "... No."

The redhead's upper lip curled. "No? What... did that psycho bitch kill you all?"

Natsuki felt bile rise in her throat. It wasn't just her own recollection she feared, although that was discomforting in and of itself. But Nao... Nao was a whole other matter in her own right. "I killed her."

"You did?" Nao's mouth hung slightly agape for a moment before she recovered. "You're not joking, are you." It was a statement, not a question. "Does that mean that you two were..."

Natsuki twisted her head violently. Nao's emerald eyes burned with a dangerous fire of jealousy, and the memories were painful enough. "I don't want to talk about it."

Nao ground her teeth, a short lived fury on her face, before it slowly dissapaited like a morning mist. When she had herself under control, she continued in a deadpan voice. "Well... that's a crappy place to leave off."

Natsuki felt bitter. "What can I say? It's a crappy story."

Nao snorted. "Yeah... yeah it is." She glanced at Natsuki, both girls feeling the oppressive atmosphere of unresolved feelings. "I'm going to go get changed."

"I'll be here, waiting."

Nao smiled.

-----

Kaori let out a long sigh after Natsuki had exited the door. The casualties had been high, but the girls had managed to make it through their first cooking lesson. Natsuki had tried drinking the vanilla extract, and Nao had decided filing her nails was more important than greasing the pan. To top things off, Kaori had accidentally used the container of old baking powder she kept meaning to throw away. The cake had gone into the oven, destined to be inedible, but Kaori perservered, and instructed them in the creation of homemade frosting. She returned from the store to find the two girls taking cover, each speckled with flecks of frosting: debris from a war started over an offhanded comment. But under their furrowed brows and dark glances, a strange respect was evident.

Kaori looked at the door, listening to the roar of the motorcycle's engine as it came to life. "Good luck, Natsuki-chan. You'll be needing it."


	5. Shades of Gray: Confessions

Author's Note: No need to thank me for the timely update.

... wait, no. This update is like six months later than I wanted it to be. I have the story in my head (roughly four times as much as what's actually written), the problem is actually getting it down. I'll spare you the actual details, but it entails a long tale of bad grades, long hours at my summer job, and general family crap. But who cares, right? There's NaoNat to be read!

-----

A creased sheet of newspaper drifted in the late night breeze, spinning lazy rotations, lit only by the harsh yellow light of the street lamp against black pavement. It's meanderings brought it into contact with the rough brick wall of the covered subway entrance, and it caught and twisted, folding itself over before tumbling on. As Natsuki watched it continue off into the darkness, she wondered if there was some sort of symbolic relationship behind the aimless wandering paper and herself, or whether this uncharacteristic poetic musing was borne instead from too much studying for her Classical Japanese Literature exam tomorrow.

Even the thought of the exams before the August summer break made her head hurt. It was something of a habit for her to go into exams dreadfully unprepared, and to walk away with passable grades somehow. Usually she managed it by cram-studying only hours before the exam. But now, the sun had set on her final day to prepare, and instead of hitting the books like the rest of her classmates, she was standing and waiting by a subway entrance.

_'What the hell am I doing here?' _she asked herself for probably the tenth time. Even discounting her imminent academic doom, this was rather foolish of her. Her last parting with Nao, nearly two days ago, had been on shaky terms. Through the course of their recent friendship, Nao had done an immaculate job of respecting Natsuki's consuming need for privacy, and now Natsuki was ready to barge in on something that was... really not her place, all things considered. Not to mention that she had no idea when Nao usually went out, what days she went out, or even what subway terminal she used to enter Fuuka City. This one was her best guess because it was the closest to Nao's house, but... there were so many unknowns.

And yet for some reason... here she was.

As Natsuki was reciting the list of reasons why she _shouldn't _be there to herself, she caught a glimpse of approaching sanguine hair illuminated by streetlight before it vanished into the pitch black night again. Natsuki's heart began to beat like the wings of a hummingbird, faced with the reality that she actually would have to go through with this intervention of sorts. She vaguely contemplated staying hidden back in the darkened, foliage covered median she had parked her bike on to wait.

After a moment, Nao's figure, dressed in her old middle school outfit, crossed through the stretch of well lit street before the entrance to the subway. The younger girl glanced about her surreptitiously, before making a bee line for the subway entrance. The temptation to let her pass by and go on with her business unbothered was almost irresistible, but a last minute burst of anger at her own weakness wrenched the words from her tight throat. "Oi!" she called to Nao's back, though only a matter of thirty feet separated them.

Nao's steps faltered, then almost resumed, then stopped. She turned her head around, searching for the source of the voice. "What do you want, Natsuki?" she replied icily.

The navy blue blouse and black pants she had picked out were chosen with an eye for stealth, so the older girl brushed aside the leaves that comprised her makeshift stakeout, out into the streetlight. "Um... what a coincidence, meeting you here. I just happened to be in the area, and..." she offered awkwardly, with a weak smile. Nao only stared at her with a deep rooted anger, not bothering to voice her disbelief for the preposterous statement, nor rising to the bait of the humor. Natsuki stammered, feeling herself to be deeply in the wrong in this situation, and searching for a way to apologize. "I was just thinking... maybe you could use a ride?"

Nao tilted her head sarcastically, her words filled with scorn. "Oh? So kind of you to wait for me... by the subway. Unfortunately, I'm already right next to my intended mode of transit."

"Waiting by your house seemed a little too... well... creepy. Anyway... I can at least save you the cost of the ticket..."

The redhead turned away, making another two steps towards the stairs down and flashing a thin piece of plastic without looking. "Month long unlimited use ticket, right here. I ride the subway to school, remember?"

"I can drive faster than any subway car." She sucked in a breath. "Come on... let me give you a lift?" Natsuki offered, letting a small amount of the desperation slip into her voice.

Nao finally turned back with her whole body, a look something like resignation in her eyes. "Fine. Where did you park?"

-----

They drove, tearing down the well lit streets of Fuuka City at speeds a police officer might deem 'reckless'. But there was surprisingly little traffic, and Natsuki basked in the exhilaration of the speed she was allowed. The girl hugging her from behind, riding on the back half of the single seat motorcycle, was in a brooding silence. Three times Natsuki had called back to Nao, asking where she wanted to be dropped off, but the redhead either was too absorbed in the ride to hear or hadn't deigned to answer. Natsuki had decided after the third failed attempt at communication that her passenger was ignoring her, and had just relaxed. Without thinking, her steering guided her back to her own apartment, finally coming to rest in the tiny parking lot allotted to residents. She parked her bike, vaulting off in a dismount.

She watched Nao pull the helmet off, freeing her red tresses from the confines of the plastic shell. "Sorry... I wasn't sure where to go. I asked you a couple times where you wanted to be let off, but..."

"... s'okay." Nao mumbled, refusing to meet Natsuki's eyes. She slid off the back of the bike, leaving the helmet placed precariously on the seat, shambling towards the staircase up.

While properly storing the helmet, Natsuki's brow creased with worry. Something about Nao's demeanor bothered her. It took a moment to place it, but eventually Natsuki came to the realization of the source of her worry: Nao seemed almost _vulnerable_. Of all the range of emotions the younger girl exhibited, vulnerability was _not _one of them. She broke into a slow jog to close the gap between them that had formed while she contemplated, catching up and walking in sync. She waited until they had climbed the stairs and entered her apartment before she began to talk again. "You okay?" she asked with a small measure of concern.

Her innocent question was a catalyst, and the morose expression melted into anger. "I'm fine." Nao spat, shrugging off her concern. "What makes you think you have the right to intrude on what I do with my own life, anyway?"

The words bit into Natsuki, echoed from what she could imagine would be a response from her own self not too long ago, back when thoughts of the First District and revenge filled her life. The easiest answer would be to push the responsibility off on Kaori, but she rejected that thought. "I just... I guess I just wanted to spend time with you." It sounded awkward to her ears even as she said it, no matter that it was actually true. They rarely shared such sentiments with each other.

"Bullshit," came the fiery reply. "Ever since you ambushed me by the subway, you've been looking at me like I'm the ugly girl your friends are forcing you to take to the school prom... like you'd rather be a thousand miles away right now." Nao turned on her. "What's really going on, Natsuki?"

"I... I did this because..." Natsuki felt her throat go dry.

A slow realization dawned on Nao, the anger melting away. "Did... did Mama ask you to do this?"

_So much for not letting her find out._ "She cares about you, Nao." Natsuki replied, answering by not answering.

Nao sat down heavily in a chair in her kitchenette, cradling her head in a hand. "Yeah, well... someone has to, I guess. It's not like I make it easy."

"Tell me about it." Natsuki replied with a small grin.

The full implications of the statement rolled around in Nao's mind. Obviously they both knew they were no longer enemies, but for Natsuki to go so far as to actually voice _concern_ for her was rather new. She had the grace to look appreciative. "Thanks, I guess." She watched as Natsuki took a seat across from her, and glanced around the small room. "I could really use a drink."

Natsuki blinked... there was no mistaking the way she used the word 'drink' for a request for soda. They had eaten together often enough, but the subject of alcohol hadn't come up before. "How old are you?" she asked rhetorically.

Nao snorted. "Since when have you cared about those kinds of things? When was it again that you started to _drive_?"

Brushing her long bangs out of her eyes, Natsuki gave her a long, disapproving glare. "Do as I say, not as I do. I'm your sempai; I'm supposed to be teaching you right from wrong, you know." she deadpanned. Nao's outraged expression was too much, and Natsuki serious facade cracked under the pressure of keeping her mirth in. Nao's expression broke too as she found the humor in it, and joined in the laughter.

When they had both calmed down, Natsuki retrieved a tall bottle of light brown liquid from an upper shelf and a pair of shot glasses. The oppressive feeling in the room had dissipated after the laughter, and she felt like celebrating. "This isn't sake." Natsuki lectured, gesturing to the bottle. "It's an American drink called Jack Daniel's. Even the strongest sake has about 20 percent alcohol by volume... this stuff has 40 percent." As she spoke, she watched the younger girl spin the tiny cup around between her fingers, before wrestling off the cap and pour herself a portion of the intoxicating liquid that threatened to spill over the brim. "Ca... careful with that." Natsuki warned. "I don't know what kind of history you have with liqueur, but unless you have a lot of tolerance, this stuff can really do a number on yo.." She trailed off from her final word, watching as the girl across from her drained the overfull glass with only a small amount spilled on the white surface of the outdated uniform.

Nao set the glass down gracefully, managing to stare at the table for a long moment before coughing harshly in a few staccato bursts. She looked up at Natsuki, her eyes watery from the burning sensation, but a smile plastered on her face. "You weren't kidding."

Natsuki raised her eyebrows in an expression of feigned surprise. "Really? Well, yeah. I have a bit of experience in this sort of thing. Too much, to be honest." She poured a half glass for herself, draining it without much of a reaction. She watched Nao begin to pour herself another shot, and reached across the table to stop the pour at a little less than half full. "Easy there." she intoned in a scholarly voice. "We've got all night."

They spent a long period taking more manageable drinks at a slow pace, occasionally glancing at each other. An outside observer might think the quiet between them was uncomfortable, but truthfully, these long periods of silence were something of a tradition for them. While most people got uneasy during long lapses in conversation, they didn't mind. When she wasn't subtly contemplating Natsuki out of the corner of her eye, Nao appeared to be pouring over her memories, the older girl noted. The redhead's emerald eyes, which usually sparkled with a lust for life whenever she wasn't forcing a demeanor of boredom, had taken on a more serious look. Something about the contemplative Nao was scary.

"So..." Nao broke the long quiet, with a small amount of drunken slur. "What was she like?"

Natsuki blinked in confusion. "...what?"

"Mama. When she was asking you to stop me." she elaborated helpfully.

Spinning her recently emptied, tipped over shot glass around in circles, Natsuki considered how to respond. "She was... impassioned."

"Impassioned, huh." Nao mused. "I should be angry that she did something like this. But I suppose... looking back on it, she tried to talk to me about it a couple of times, and I always shrugged it off." She followed her statement by pouring herself another shot.

"Why?" Natsuki asked.

"I... don't know." Nao admitted with a reluctant frown. Her eyes flickered up to Natsuki for a short moment, and Natsuki got the impression Nao was deciding how much she wanted to admit out loud. Eventually, she continued. "I guess because even though these trips – they're something I feel like I need to do, but I can't really justify it to her."

Natsuki turned back, putting the bottle up on the counter, out of Nao's reach. "It's not like I can't sympathize. I had my own personal mission once."

A small sound of interest sounded from the younger girl. "What, your little crusade of justice against the First District?"

"Justice?" Natsuki echoed. "I'm not Midori." she continued ruefully. "I tried to stop them from gathering up the HiME, but don't make out my intentions to be noble. It was a quest of revenge, pure and simple.

"Revenge?" Nao said the word like others might mention the name of a lover, her Cheshire smile blooming upon her face. "I never heard that story."

"Few people have." Natsuki evaded. Indeed, she had only ever talked about her vengeance to Shizuru and Mai.

"No fair." Nao smiled as she sipped. "I told you my whole story."

"Yeah... while I was tied up, suspended from the ceiling in my own apartment." Natsuki observed dryly.

"Come on... I love a good tragedy. What could drive a nice girl like you to revenge?"

Natsuki relented, drummed her fingers on the table as her mind danced over the past. "My mother was a researcher for the First District. After she and my father split up, she requested a transfer. We moved to Fuuka into an apartment here, because she her new post was a coastline laboratory only a five minute drive south of here. Things went well for a while, but..." she trailed off. "Whether the First District figured out I would one day become a HiME, or prepared me to become one... I'm not sure. I never did figure out how it the system worked. All I know is, at some point my mother realized they had an interest in me, and she tried to save me." She rubbed her eye with the palm of her hand. "She was taking me away from everything, she said. She didn't even give me time to pack... just picked me up and threw me in the car, driving like a maniac. We made it to the old coastline road before the ambushed us, and rammed our car off the cliff. I remember the car filling with water, and her voice..." Natsuki let the story lapse, not feeling like continuing. There was more complications than even that... John Smith had told her a terrible alternate version to the story, one that she still could barely bring herself to contemplate, much less relate to Nao. But the truth had died with her mother, and Natsuki was content to leave it there.

Nao curled her fingers around her shot glass, nursing the small pool of liquid left inside with a tiny sip. Her smile had faded as the story played out, replaced by a grim look. "Then you know why I feel like I do."

"All too well." Natsuki agreed. "Even during the most depressing and trying of times, you've got a tangible goal that you can dedicate yourself to; always driving forward and pushing yourself to your limits."

"Then why did you stop me tonight?"

"Because I've been to the end of that road, Nao." Natsuki answered seriously. "All of the First District sat in smoldering ruins, and I didn't even feel the slightest twinge of satisfaction."

"But that's because your beloved Kaichou-sama stole it all away from you." Nao observed brutally. "You wanted to take them down yourself, and she waltzed in and stole your revenge."

Natsuki shook her head slowly. "I don't think so. Even if it was something I had done myself... it wouldn't have mattered. Revenge is just something that never ends well. It didn't bring my mother back."

"I already _have_ my mother back." Nao refuted. "This is about finding the scum of the earth, and giving them what they deserve, plain and simple."

"And... where does it all end?"

"It doesn't." Nao replied flatly. "I seriously doubt there is a limited supply of perverts out there."

"Wrong." Natsuki looked into Nao's eyes; those emeralds that glittered in the darkness. "It does have an end. You'll continue to have your fun until it ends badly. You'll get in over your head... and end up raped or paralyzed or dead."

Nao didn't seem to have a response, preferring to stare into her cup. She wanted to fire back an angry retort, but Natsuki's harsh words brought up memories of her several recent close calls. Her own recognition of her mortality was uncomfortable, but an unfortunate side effect of maturity. After a long moment, she finally replied in a huffy voice. "I've been doing pretty good so far."

"But you've had your fair share of narrow escapes." Natsuki correctly inferred. "Do you really think things can go on forever like this? You barely fit into that middle school outfit anymore."

"I... don't really like to plan ahead that far." Nao admitted, draining the last of her glass, offering it out for a refill with a blank face.

Natsuki made no move to retrieve the bottle. "It was fine for you to go on like that back when you had Elements to protect you and no one who cared about you. Today... Kaori stays up at night, waiting for you to come home."

Nao's fist closed around her glass tightly, her eyes clenched as though she was in pain. "So what? I don't like hurting her, but... this isn't something I'm just going to give up because someone doesn't agree with me."

"Even if that person is your mother?"

"Even if that person is my mother." Nao confirmed with a hard expression.

Natsuki smiled, changing tactics. "I think you're just scared to change."

Nao bristled. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that you've been doing this for so long... you don't know what to do with yourself if you stopped."

Nao's eyes traced along the upper cabinets of Natsuki's kitchenette, letting the silence linger. "Maybe." she finally admitted, though her tone was still thick with resentment. She blew a stream of air out between her lips in frustration. "There just isn't anything else worth doing."

A traditional therapist would probably take objection to that statement, pointing out that Nao had plenty of things to apply herself to: getting better grades, socializing more with her peers, excelling at a hobby, and preparing for marriage. Luckily, Natsuki was not a traditional therapist, she knew full well that Nao didn't care one bit about any of those things. After all, Natsuki was in the same boat herself. "I'm not exactly an expert in this kind of stuff, but I think that there's something out there for us all... if we look hard enough.

"You're kidding me. What kind of feel-good crap is that?"

Natsuki shook her head. "Deadly serious."

The scorn in Nao's eyes was obvious. "Okay, then. How about you? What's the meaning of your life, now that the First District is gone?"

It occurred to Natsuki, not for the first time, how wildly unqualified she was for this type of life counseling. Still, it was too late to back down now. "I'm still searching. I've got some ideas, though. I'd like to learn more about motorcycles."

Nao frowned. "More than you already do?"

"I might have the aura of a biker girl, but honestly... I know how to change my own oil, replace a flat, and that's about it. I relied on Yamada to do my maintenance after I banged it up, and I've never really gotten a chance to learn about what's inside."

"So you want to become a mechanic?" her companion extrapolated, turning a thoughtful eye on her. "I could see you enjoying yourself covered in grease."

Natsuki had learned long ago to try and find compliments in what Nao said; after all, if she wanted to insult you, she was rarely ambiguous about it. "Thanks. So… what about you?"

Nao's expression conveyed a silent question, '_Is that a joke?_', but as Natsuki stared at her impassively, the younger girl appeared to seriously contemplate the question. "I've never really thought about it. I suppose that what Mama does is pretty amazing. You see the best and the worst of the people in the world; whenever anyone does something stupid enough to get themselves torn up, they come crying to you. No matter how rich or how poor, they'll all put their life in your hands, and you get to make them better."

The thought of Nao as a nurse practitioner like Kaori was frankly terrifying, but it was all Natsuki had to go on. "See? You do actually have a measure of respect for something besides revenge."

"Respect is a bit strong of a word." Nao drawled.

"Besides... I could see you enjoying yourself covered in someone's blood." Natsuki smirked, mirroring her counterpart's previous observation.

Nao looked mildly amused. "You give me too much credit. Now that we've made some progress in this inquisition of yours, would you be so kind as to pour me another shot?"

"Only if you call Kaori and let her know you're safe."

"I was planning on it anyway, but give me my shot first."

Natsuki grudgingly obliged, not wanting to see Nao hurt herself. The alcohol was already affecting her balance, and Nao had been matching her shot for shot without anywhere near the same tolerance. Not for the first time tonight, Natsuki wondered if letting Nao get drunk had been a good idea, but there was little to be done at this point.

Nao made her way over to the phone, clumsily pressing her familiar home phone number. Her mother was awake, as Natsuki had suggested, but she sounded suspiciously unsurprised at the turn of events, Nao noted. After the phone call, they both migrated to the couch, putting in a movie. They were nearing the end of Natsuki's movie collection, and now were mostly going through the dredges of what she had bought over the years. The last few had been watchable for Nao purely because their poor production values had been laughable, but that was getting old fast. Nao caught the opening scene of the movie and couldn't even managed to smile at the terrible acting. The alcohol was making her head spin, though it also gave her a warm sensation in her stomach that made her feel strangely giddy. She slumped down in her seat, snuggling against Natsuki's shoulder. The older girl shifted slightly but didn't object, and Nao felt a blush spread to her cheeks, enjoying the closeness. She had enough sense left to realize it would be bad to be seen blushing, if only because the older girl would tease her about it mercilessly, so she took steady, deep breaths, trying to will the heat out of her cheeks. On the screen, a freakish amalgam of body parts rose to life from a metal slab to the sound of peals of thunder and maniacal laughter. Nao tried to think of something to say to take her mind off the disaster of a movie. "Um... Mama said 'hi'." she slurred belatedly.

Without taking her eyes off the movie, Natsuki nodded. "That's nice of her. I should probably send her a card or something, to apologize for my part in destroying her kitchen, dispite it being _not_ my fault."

Nao knew she was being baited, but an argument was better than actually watching this movie. "Hey. I told you that cracking that egg down your shirt was an accident. It's not my fault you retaliated against me for a genuine mistake."

"Hah. Like anything you ever do is genuine."

_Ouch. She has me there..._ "It was!" Nao lied. She poke Natsuki in the side for emphasis, and was rewarded with a squeak from the older girl.

"Honestly..." Natsuki muttered, casually bopping Nao on the head in response. "Such rudeness... what would Kaori think if she knew she raised such an ill-mannered daughter?" she sighed rhetorically.

"Is that a threat?" Nao returned. "You would try to drive a wedge between a girl and her mother?"

"Maybe I think she doesn't deserve what you put her through."

That hurt, mostly because it hit too close to home. The alcohol had taken away what few restraints Nao normally had, so she fired back, "You're just jealous because I actually _have_ a mother."

Natsuki's previously playful banter had a hard edge. "Shut up. Maybe I am jealous, but what gives you the right to say something like that? I loved my mother... I had just as much right to get my mother back as you, but instead..." Natsuki trailed off.

Nao met Natsuki's eyes, words tumbling out before she could stop them. "You had your chance, Natsuki. You had your god damn chance. Every one of the HiME got someone returned to them... all of us except you and your damn Kaichou-sama. You think I haven't wondered why?" She watched Natsuki's reaction with a sinking feeling in the bottom of her stomach, but somehow she plowed on, getting out all of the negative thoughts that had been dwelling inside of her ever since Natsuki's aborted summery of the events of the Festival. "I always knew who I cared about... and when the Director came to me and told me she would set everything right, and that my sacrifice wasn't in vain... I knew who would end up in my arms. Can you say the same?" Natsuki bit her lip, her brow furrowed. "No." Nao answered for her. "No, you can't. So don't talk to me about 'love' and 'rights'. Don't even try."

Natsuki's face contorted in a very real anger. "You... you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't I? Maybe that's because you're too scared to admit to me what actually happened that day!"

"Do you really want to know?" Natsuki's eyes flared. "I left you lying on the ruins of that building to go hunt down Shizuru and stop her before she killed anyone else. She... she wasn't in her right state of mind, and I just wanted... I wanted to stop her from doing more things that she would regret." Her story slowed from its early frantic pace, and Natsuki actually seemed to calm as she related it. "I ambushed her at school, and we fought. I knew by then that... Shizuru meant a lot to me. She still does." Nao almost shuddered at those words, but Natsuki brought up a hand to pacify her. "Don't misunderstand. See, when I was younger, I was a lot like you... so filled with hate I couldn't see the truly important things in life. But I always had Shizuru with me, keeping me in check, making sure that I stayed sane. She provided me with the strength I needed to keep at my goal, and made sure I didn't end up like you."

Nao snorted. "Like me, huh." She wanted to be more upset at a statement like that, but Natsuki's explanation actually made sense, as much as Nao was loathe to admit it. In a lot of ways, Shizuru had given strength to Natsuki the same way that Natsuki now gave strength to Nao. The implications of that thought frightened her.

Natsuki blew a stream of air between pursed lips to calm herself before continuing. "And when I finally realized how important she was to me, it gave me the strength I needed to defeat her."

It was a relieving to finally hear the end of that story, rather than to have it left up to her imagination. "That's it?"

"That's it." Natsuki confirmed, though there was a trace of guilt in her eyes.

Nao seized upon that, frowning. "What a rotten climax. You guys didn't even end up making out or anything?" she drawled sarcastically. She watched a flicker of panic flash across Natsuki's features, and Nao bolted upright. "You did, didn't you!"

"No!" Natsuki shouted back. "It's not like that." She turned away remorsefully. "I just... I know she has feelings for me... feelings I can never return. I just... gave her a quick peck, in thanks for everything she did."

A welling of jealousy flared inside of Nao, her eyes a smoldering jade. "I can't believe that she..."

Natsuki looked back, her expression worried. "Don't... don't take it like that. It's just..."

"I'm just angry she's had something I haven't."

The implications of such a rash admission play over Natsuki's face, and Nao's head swam as she realized what she had just said. Natsuki's strangled voice sounded as though it came from the end of a long hallway by the time it reached her ears. "... what?"

Nao pressed down her worry and fears. Any inhibitions were drowned out by the low buzzing of intoxication, and then Nao was acting on impulse. "You heard me. How fair is it that she's kissed you and I haven't?"

Natsuki was still struggling to process everything. "Why do you even _care_?"

The question was ignored, and Nao rose from the couch briefly, settling back down while straddling Natsuki with her knees on either side of the girl. She drew her hands up, tracing her fingers through the other girl's silky blue hair, letting the soft tresses fall through her fingers as she moved her hands up to Natsuki's head. Long fingernails, painted a brilliant crimson, traced delicate lines up smooth ivory cheeks. When her hands were behind the girl beneath her's head, she gently closed her grasp at the roots of her hair, gripping possessively and pulling the older girl in closer.

They stayed pressed together, their gazes meeting. Nao wasn't sure what she had expected to see in Natsuki's eyes. In her fantasies, many of which played out in a situation very much like this, those cool green eyes looked up at her with a fiery passion to match Nao's own. But now, the eyes before her were filled with uncertainty and confusion. She held her grip, feeling the warmth of Natsuki's body against her own, exalting in the sensation. Before her resolve could falter, she lowered her lips down, pressing them into a kiss.

-----

Natsuki felt dizzy, so dizzy that the room seemed to be swaying worse than a ship in a storm. A creature named desire twisted in her gut, dredging up emotions long buried under layers of denial. The kiss was electric. Nao's moist lips were sending pulses of energy down her body, tingling to the ends of her every extremity. It felt _good_, so good she felt herself drowning in the kiss, suffocating under the pressure of Nao mouth bearing down upon her. And before she knew it, she had her arms wrapped around Nao's shoulders, drawing the younger girl down into the embrace as fiercely as she could.

A warning rumbled in the back of her mind... as badly as she wanted this, she knew something was about to go wrong. And then finally it connected... all of her repression and fear of intimacy managing to boil up through the thick haze of intoxication, and a massive wave of panic washed over Natsuki. She thrust her hands out before her, catching the unsuspecting redhead straight in the chest, sending her hurting backwards through the air for a short distance before she went sprawling onto the ground. Natsuki heard a hard thump as Nao's head smacked into the floor, rolling another half of a rotation from the force of the push and coming to a stop.

There was a stunned silence, and then Nao propped herself up, holding the back of her head tenderly. Her expression was a combination of physical and emotional pain, confusion, fear, sadness and rage.

Natsuki rose, averting her eyes. "I... I can't."

Nao forced words out through gritted teeth. "You can't what?"

Unable to articulate it, Natsuki only shook her head, her eyes narrowed slits. "I'm going for a walk." She only made it a few steps before a still prostrate Nao had lunged forward, grabbing her by the foot. Natsuki looked down at the younger girl's face, her expression of pure desperation lit by the flickering glow of the television. "Let go of me." She made no move to comply, so Natsuki jerked her foot out of the girl's grasp and made her way towards the exit.

"Don't walk away, Natsuki. Don't..." Nao's voice cracked as she rose to a kneeling position, approaching something like a plea for mercy. "Don't leave me."

Natsuki stood stoically in the doorway, silhouetted by the hallway light. Her voice was colder than ice. "I'm sorry. But right now, I need to be alone."

And then she was gone.

And for the first time in a very long time, Nao began to cry for what she had lost.

-----

"Would you like some more tea, Fujino-sama?"

The voice surprised Shizuru, jolting her out of the reverie she had slipped into while staring at the clouds which the Fujino family's private jet was currently blasting over at thirty five thousand feet. Even though the voice had startled her, Shizuru's face had not betrayed even a flicker of emotion. She turned towards the stewardess, a polite smile coming to her face. "No, Akiko-san... I've had enough."

The elderly woman bowed to her, taking the empty teacup and saucer. "The captain informs me we are fifteen minutes away from the landing strip at Fuuka. I thought you would want to know."

"Thank you." she intoned in response, turning back to the clouds. Surely enough, the plane tilted into a decline, preparing for their landing. Shizuru felt a gnawing sensation in her stomach, a sense of worry she hadn't felt since the Festival. Ever since she had risked spelling out her feelings in their weekly letters, Natsuki's responses had abruptly stopped. No matter what explanation she tried to think of, there was little way to interpret that besides a rejection. Shizuru had regretted her boldness a thousand times in the last two weeks, but in all honestly, the endless wondering if Natsuki would ever change her mind was an even greater torture. She _had_ to know the truth... no matter what it was. She had to see Natsuki's face before she would believe anything, good or bad.

As badly as she wanted to see Natsuki, fate had not been kind to her. Shizuru's college back in Kyoto had let out over a week ago for summer break, but family obligations had kept her at home, a slave to her filial responsibilities. She had followed her father around dutifully, wearing the proper kimonos and sitting beside her mother in the seiza position for hours while her father's business partners remarked on how perfect of a daughter he had as they drank sake. And even as she made conversation with people about flower arrangements, tea ceremonies and everything else she had been raised to be perfect for, she still couldn't stop thinking about Natsuki.

Only after enduring seven terrible days of waiting and enduring her social obligations, was she finally allowed to make the flight back to Fuuka. And even as she looked forward to her return to her alma mater, there was still a growing dread.

"Natsuki..." she breathed, her breath fogging the glass of the small window porthole. "Soon... I can see you again. I only hope you want to see me too."

-----

Judging from the mail and comments I've gotten, something like fifty percent of the people who are reading this fic feel like traitors to their true love, the Natsuki/Shizuru pairing. I don't know how well you guys and gals are going to fare through the angsty section of the story, but I'll just leave you with the promise that there /is/ a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone, I promise. And no... I don't dislike Shizuru (how could you accuse me of hating the beloved Kaichou-sama?). Nao, however, _does, _and I'm often writing from her perspective. There is a difference.


	6. Shades of Gray: Collision

Author's Note: I dedicate this chapter to Lang, mother goddess of all NaoNat fanart. I've have a folder on my desktop which has all the Nao/Natsuki/Shizuru sketches she puts up in her blog, and whenever I'm stuck on a line of dialog, I'll just pop one of the pictures and contemplate until the exact phrasing comes to mind. Now all I need is for her to illustrate a scene from my story, and the vicious cycle of porn begetting porn shall be complete.

-----

The predawn hours Natsuki had spent brooding while aimlessly wandering around the local park had been a sobering experience, but not sobering enough for her to feel comfortable driving her motorcycle into school. Luckily, she kept her books and uniform in the storage compartment of her bike, so she didn't have to go back up into the room and face Nao. That wasn't a meeting she was looking forward to. The sun was just beginning to rise, and the bustle of students heading for Fuuka Academy had not yet begun to flood the subway lines. So with her uniform and bag in hand, she set off for school, hoping to get at least an hour or two of studying in before her exams.

Natsuki sat in the cold metal seat of the subway with her shoulders slumped, listening vacantly to the rhythmic thumping noise of the tram car traveling down the rail. She felt dead. Natsuki knew she should be more upset about what had happened, but much like the first time she had experienced this kind of betrayal with Shizuru, she couldn't summon any genuine anger towards Nao. She was hurt and resentful, but on some level, Natsuki had to wonder whether she had set herself up for this. All of the warning signs had been there, and with everything that had happened with Shizuru, she should have been able to see it coming. Had she had made herself blind to the possibility? Had she accidentally encouraged Nao to think of them as more than friends? She tried to recall their interactions, pouring over their time together, looking for how it could be her fault. Even just thinking like this made her queasy, but what could she do? She liked spending time with Nao... the younger girl had a lust for life that breathed color into their surroundings when everything else around seemed like muted shades of gray. Nao's presence in her life was therapeutic, to the point where Natsuki simply wasn't sure she could cope with the loss of the friendship. And that scared her.

Why did all of the close female friends she made end up falling in love with her? It was infuriating, and Natsuki threw her head back in frustration, which lead to the back of her skull clunking painfully against the window behind her. She swore rather loudly, earning her a disapproving glance from a teacher she didn't recognize in a brown suit, the only other occupant of the car besides her. Rubbing her head and muttering under her breath, she forced herself to think about where to go from here. Could she just ignore it... and forget it ever happened? Maybe, but that wouldn't make Nao's feelings go away. It was unfair to Nao; leaving her in a suspended state, wondering if she would ever return her feelings. Much the same as Shizuru had been left before leaving for college, and look what had happened there.

Why could neither of them understand that she simply was incapable of returning those kind of feelings to _anyone_? Friendship was one thing, but when someone got too close to her heart, the sinking feeling of vulnerability would set in, and she would panic and push them away. Both of them deserved better than her, and she knew that, even if they didn't. Grinding her palms against her eyes to wipe away the tiredness and keep the tears of frustration locked away inside, she rose unsteadily as the train lurched to a halt, and ambled towards the sliding doors.

-----

Rolling down the road in her silver Lexus, Shizuru pulled into the parking lot of the familiar apartment complex. Glancing at the digital clock on the dashboard, she confirmed what already knew: she was arriving an hour later than she had wanted to, but classes hadn't yet gotten out at Fuuka Academy. It would take Natsuki at least twenty minutes to get home after that, so thankfully, Shizuru wasn't late.

She had run into problems at the airport while trying to rent a car. Apparently, rental companies require any drivers under the age of twenty-five to have someone older than that co-sign for the vehicle. With all of the responsibilities of the Fuuka student council, the expectations pressed upon her by her family, and the harrowing experiences of the Festival behind her, Shizuru sometimes forgot that there were those who simply couldn't look past the date of birth on her drivers license and see the maturity within. She had been forced to find Akiho-san and ask her to come sign papers, which accounted for much of the delay.

Shizuru shifted the vehicle into park at one of the few open spaces in the tiny lot, leaving it idling. She had opted to wear modern business attire: a creme colored low cut V-necked suit and matching knee length skirt. She had made a rushed stop in to a florist, finding a yellow rose in full bloom to pin on her lapel. Taking a quick glance at herself in the mirror, she found the limited amount of makeup she wore to be impeccably in place.

She glanced at the cellphone in her purse, almost contemplating giving Natsuki a call to let her know she had arrived, but dismissed the thought out of hand. For something this important, she wanted the first meeting to be face to face, so she could drink in every minute detail of what happened. Somehow, she felt that things could be made better if only she could _be _with Natsuki. For her to be at her best, she had to see every twitch of Natsuki's expression, and sense the unconscious signals the younger girl sent. For that, a cellphone would not do. She was no Neo-Luddite; the laptop that she kept from her student council days was a very useful trinket. But at a young age, her father had instilled in her that the new was to be used _beside_ the old, with each having its place. E-mail was convenient for conducting business, but then she couldn't pour over each letter, tracing the unrefined yet beautiful lines of Natsuki's words, and feel the emotion that had come out each time the pen was pushed against the paper.

She sat back and resigned herself to wait. The clenched feeling around her heart hadn't dissipated, and was only getting stronger as the impending reunion grew closer. She closed her eyes, drawing in slow breaths, using the meditative techniques she had taught herself at a young age to exhale the panic through pursed lips, expelling it into the air.

She glanced around. The apartment complex across the street was almost finished repairing the destructing her battle with Nao had wrought months prior. The exterior of the building was a solid and unbroken once again, though the replacement sections of the surface hadn't been painted to match the rest of the color, giving her a clear idea of where Kiyohime had rent massive holes in the building while burrowing up to consume Nao's arachnid Child. Her expression, that ever present hint of a smile, was marred for a brief moment by a flicker of dark jealousy. Why was it that all the rest of the world had healed the wounds left by the Festival, while her sins were still unforgiven? Life could be terribly unfair.

Suddenly, she noticed a motorcycle wedged in between the last parking space on the far side of the lot and the wall. Frowning, she got out of her car and got closer to examine the bike. It was definitely Natsuki's. _What is she doing home early? Perhaps the tests were scheduled such that she was free for the second half of the day?_ Not wanting to overanalyze her good luck, Shizuru hurriedly made her way up the stairs to Natsuki's floor. She drew herself up, straightening the flower one last time, and prepared to knock.

-----

'_So this is what a hangover feels like.' _Nao rationalized while groaning internally. She had passed out on Natsuki's couch, managing to drag herself up off the floor once the tears had stopped. Her sleep hadn't been exactly restful, although she had felt immeasurably better after hanging her head in Natsuki's toilet for a while. The fistful of aspirin she had downed afterwards made the headache fade into a manageable pulsing throb, and she had spent the rest of the morning and afternoon lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling as she faded in and out of sleep, wondering how everything had gone so wrong. Her memories of the previous night were disjointed, but the tears staining her face when she had woken didn't leave any question to what the outcome had been.

There was a crisp rapping noise on the door. Nao winced at the noise, frowning. _Why is she knocking on her own door? Did she forget her keys?_ Nao looked at the door morosely, not really feeling like getting up off the couch. A second set of knocks, louder than the first, set her teeth on edge. 'Fine fine... I'm coming' she muttered, swinging her legs onto the floor and standing. Her head swam, and she put a hand out to steady herself against the table, before reaching the door and opening it. When she looked up, expecting to see Natsuki's face, her brain spun for several cycles in place before recognition finally sunk in.

Those auburn strawberry eyes were her very own personal gate to Hell.

_Oh... shit._


	7. Shades of Gray: Shattered Dreams

Wow... so much hate for Shizuru in this most recent crop of reviews. This isn't ShizNat (as I've stated multiple times), but I don't think any exploration of Nao and Natsuki would be complete without Shizuru. Each of the three characters compliment the other two beautifully, and I did my best to reflect all of that in this chapter.

The emotion of this chapter was very complex, considering the characters involved, and the heightened tension of the situation. Lang's artwork came out quite a bit. I think the end result is something that was worth the work, so I hope you enjoy.

_-----_

_Oh... shit._

Nao's heart began to race. Just seeing that face made her skin go clammy, sending her back to the times when she was trying to claw her way out of madness. She pushed down the bile rising up her throat, trying to keep a neutral expression.

To her credit, Shizuru never even blinked in surprise. "Ara... Nao-san. It's been a long time, hasn't it?" she spoke with warmth. That fake smile had always irritated the hell out of Nao.

Nao felt her own facade slide effortlessly into place, and she affected a disdainful frown, bordering on a sneer. "What are you doing here?"

Shizuru put on a slight pout, looking hurt at the cold reception. "I might ask you the same question."

Emerald eyes narrowed with annoyance. "I asked first, didn't I?"

"Very well..." Shizuru acquiesced eloquently. "My college goes on break earlier than Fuuka, so I thought I might come home to visit my beloved friend Natsuki." She inclined her head. "And you?"

"I... uh..." Shizuru's sudden appearance had given her a hell of an adrenaline rush, but her mind was still thick with sleep, and she was struggling to bring it up to speed. She settled for the truth. "I crashed here last night."

Shizuru's lips were pressed together in a thin line. "Rough night?"

Rubbing her head, Nao considered how she must look. Her hair was probably still matted to one side from where she had slept, her outdated uniform wrinkled and stained, her eyes bloodshot, and if she wasn't mistaken, she smelled faintly of vomit. Even Nao had to admit that Shizuru wore her attire extremely well, with her river of sandy-brown hair tumbling over her shoulders against the white. Feeling outmatched despite herself, she simply turned back and waved the older girl inside.

Despite her outward calm, Shizuru must have been terribly confused by this situation, Nao reasoned. She toyed with the notion of lying and creating a misconception, if only to see the outrage and jealousy on Shizuru's perfect face, but she would probably look rather foolish when Natsuki came home and explained. More likely than not, the plan would backfire. Rejecting the temptation, she instead stayed silent as she watched Shizuru trace her fingers along the counter top and glance inside the cupboards and fridge. Finally, she pulled up a chair and gazed in Nao's direction placidly. Nao reclaimed her place on the sofa while returning the expression.

"Natsuki isn't home?"

"No... its final exams today."

"I see." Shizuru replied. "And you?"

"No exams today." That wasn't technically true, but the one exam that she did have scheduled for the day was in a subject she wasn't going to pass even if she did show up.

"I do hope she knows you are here..."

_Was that a threat?_ Her tone was so even, Nao couldn't be sure. "I'm right where she left me." she replied, evading the question.

Shizuru seemed to accept that without asking for clarification. "Do you see her often?"

"Well... on occasion." Nao was no stranger to seeing the jealous side of Shizuru, but if the older girl was angry, she was doing a much better job of hiding it than she ever had before. "We watch movies together."

"And do you sleep over often?"

_Again with the dangerous questions in such a neutral voice._ Despite Shizuru having not shown any hostility at all, Nao felt like she was pressed with her back against a wall. "... no. This is the second time, and neither were really under optimal circumstances." she replied honestly.

Shizuru nodded absently, her attention drifting off, apparently not caring for more explanation. The feeling of menace from her slowly faded, and Nao wondered if she had imagined it. She watched the older girl stare off at nothing, and shivered. She had never seen Shizuru look so... fragile. It was subtle, but there was a fragility to her normally implacable demeanor. Even with having sensed the opening, Nao hesitated to exploit it. She wasn't sure what to make of that. Life had changed so much in the last few months, and apparently Nao had changed with it. None of the emotions she associated with the strawberry hazel eyed woman were coming up as she expected them to. She knew what she was _supposed_ to do... she would throw out an acidic comment or insult to bait out a response. It had almost been a reflex reaction. But now each cruel thing that came to mind felt weak or out of place, and she instead sat in silence for a time, seeped in uncertainty.

"It's so difficult..."

The words jolted Nao. "What is?" she asked despite herself.

Shizuru looked back to her, locking eyes with a renewed interest, as though she had forgotten Nao even existed for a time. "Natsuki."

That elicited a snort from Nao. "I suppose that's true."

"We were writing letters to each other... to keep in contact. Three weeks ago, they just stopped coming." Shizuru's mild eyes bored holes into her soul. "Did you have anything to do with that, Nao-san?"

Nao repressed a second shiver. _Like I'd admit it even if I did. _"What's between you and Natsuki is your own business. She never talks to me about it."

"My business..." The older girl echoed sadly. "Yes, I suppose it is."

Again she tried to think of something hurtful to say, but drew another blank. The redhead's stomach roiled in confusion. _What the hell is wrong with me? _She hardly needed an excuse to hate Shizuru; the woman was her natural enemy... a porcelain doll who used courtesy and manners as a shield instead of facing her problems head on. And if that wasn't enough, there was the issue of their mutual interest in Natsuki. The older woman hadn't exactly tried to keep her feelings a secret during the Festival, and there was no reason to expect they had changed in intervening time. _So why I can't I bring myself to despise her like I used to?_

In the silence, the explanation came to her. _Because all that is really important to either of us is Natsuki, but we can't fight over someone who doesn't want to be had. _The answer was a kick to the gut. The disaster last night had robbed Nao of her dreams, and she saw the sinking despair she felt in her own heart mirrored in Shizuru's face. And the thought of being similar to the demon she knew as Shizuru made her worry for her own sanity indeed.

-----

Natsuki slid her key into her door, determined to drop her school bag on the floor and pass out on her futon. She twisted the key to unlock, but there was no resistance. _Why is my door already unlocked?_ she thought to herself, then decided she didn't care enough to worry. She pushed the door open, and nearly collapsed in shock. The apartment, which she had hoped would be empty, had the faces of the two people that she wanted to see the very _least_ in the world. Nao regarded her with a neutral expression, but Shizuru made a warm yet slightly strained smile and rose to greet her.

"Natsuki... its been too long. I do apologize for dropping by unexpectedly." Shizuru embraced her tightly, an uncommon gesture for her.

"Mmm..." Natsuki agreed, returning the hug. "Don't worry about it. It's good to see you too." She tossed her school bag to the floor, then pulled the remaining chair out from the kitchenette. She positioned herself to be able to comfortably see both her guests before she sat. "I trust you two made yourselves at home?"

Nao arched her back as she stretched, resembling a cat. "As much home as there is to use." she confirmed.

"Natsuki's fridge has seen better days." Shizuru teased, her voice simmering like warm honey.

'_Thirty seconds into the conversation and they're already ganging up on me.' _she grimaced inside. "Sorry. There's some mayo left." she offered gamely.

"Unfortunately, that all that remains. And Natsuki knows mayo doesn't agree with my digestion."

Nao was more blunt. "I don't get how you can stand that shit."

Natsuki smoothed the premature wrinkles from her brow. _Damn it. All I want to do is sleep... alone._ "So... you're hungry?" Nao nodded, and Shizuru gave her an ambiguous smile. "Right. I'll order a pizza or something." She did _not_ feel like playing hostess after getting no sleep and slogging through two long, painful final exams, but short of kicking them out, she didn't know what else to do.

She pushed the speed dial button on her phone, requesting delivery of an eight cut cheese pizza to her address. The two females were unnaturally silent while she ordered, something that scared her. Hanging the cordless phone up on its cradle, she turned back to see the two of them both spacing out. "What's wrong with you two? Did you have a fight while I was away?"

Shizuru turned back to Natsuki, shaking her head. "Nao-san has been uncharacteristically gracious."

Nao glanced at the tawny haired woman with a bored expression, as if she was trying to decide if she wanted to take that as an insult. "Sometimes I like to go for a few minutes without pissing anyone off... just to shake things up."

"An admirable goal. As Tasogare Miyamoto once said... 'Variety is herb with which we spice the meal that is our life'."

_Oh boy. _Natsuki wasn't sure how much of the friendliness in the bantered exchange she had just heard was feigned... knowing the two involved, probably most of it. "So!" she cut off Nao's retort with her interjection, heading off any potential ugliness before it started. "Shizuru... how are you liking college?"

"Ara..." Shizuru intoned and tilted her head innocently, returning Natsuki's gaze with guileless eyes. "You don't remember what I wrote to you?"

Her attempt to change the conversation to something better had failed utterly. There was a period of uncomfortable silence while Natsuki considered how to respond. "I... haven't opened the last couple letters."

"Ah..." Shizuru sighed, a resigned, sad smile on her face. "The answers you seek lie inside those poor, neglected envelopes."

A quick glance at Nao showed the younger girl making a half hearted attempt to conceal her amusement, something that darkened Natsuki's mood several shades. The slow but steady implosion of her friendship with Shizuru was something that she was still very confused about, and _not _something she felt comfortable with Nao watching. Feeling overwhelmed, she shot an angry glance at the redhead (which had no noticeable effect on the girl's expression) before turning back to her other uninvited guest. "Damn it Shizuru... I'm just trying to make conversation. Don't make it... seem..."

"Seem like what?" Shizuru asked delicately. "Like you've been ignoring me? What shall I make it seem like, then?"

Natsuki stared in shock. Shizuru's words were poison; a bitter resignation coated in a thin veiner of pleasantness. A feeling of undeserved guilt coiled in her stomach. She mentally retreated farther, a sense of emotional claustrophobia building. "This isn't really the time... to be talking about..."

"Oh... don't mind me." Nao's voice was coated with amusement. "I'll just be a fly on the wall. You two have your lover's quarrel."

Shizuru's eyes stayed locked with Natsuki even as she casually reproached Nao's comment. "Ara... you know Natsuki-chan and I don't have that sort of relationship."

"Oh?" came Nao's dry, feigned surprise.

"No." Shizuru confirmed, her voice heavy with emotion. "Natsuki-chan isn't capable of that sort of thing."

"Don't..." Natsuki breathed out the word frantically, but didn't know how to continue her sentence. All of the past guilt and fear closed around her heart like a vice; the price she was destined to pay for pushing away the people who cared about her. Finally, it had all come back to haunt her, collapsing down on her like a pile of bricks.

Her eyes must have been wide with panic, because Shizuru's expression slowly changed from the grimace into a more familiar, concerned gaze. "Natsuki... I..."

It was too late. She recoiled away from both of her guests, refusing to face the consequences, pushing them farther away still. "Get out. Now."

Shizuru got up out of her chair, reaching towards Natsuki. "I didn't want to..."

When the arm touched her shoulder, it burned like a brand. The last of Natsuki's emotional stability shattered like a fallen bottle, into a thousand crystalline shards. She lashed out.

-----

Shizuru saw the hand coming, but made no move to avoid it. Natsuki's hand impacted against her cheek, making a slapping noise that seemed to echo in the silence following it. Shizuru could feel a sharp stinging where the side of her face was slowly turning red, and stoically absorbed what had happened.

She withdrew the offending hand, dropping it back to her side. "I... I see. I'm sorry."

_This is not my Natsuki-chan._ It was a horrible realization. But every quality about Natsuki that had attracted her through their time together in high school seemed to have fled the raven haired girl in the months they had spent apart. Where was the strong yet deliciously malleable girl who had looked up to her? Where was the yearning that Natsuki herself refused to admit? A crushing weight descended upon Shizuru... realizations that she had made weeks ago yet chosen to disregard were being forced upon her again. _Is this it? Is this the end?_ With that slap, it felt like the final bindings between them burned and fell. Shizuru walked backwards in small steps, clasping her hands in front of her in a formal, feminine bow. "I'm sorry... for everything." she repeated, though it sounded less like an apology. "I'll be leaving now." After a moments pause, she bowed again to Nao, then turned and left.

Tears streamed down her face, and she tried to wipe them away. Lights and sounds passed her in a blur as she fled down the hall... away from broken hearts and shattered dreams.

-----

Nao sat up off the couch, watching Natsuki as she stared at the door. Nao's heart thudded in her chest, barely able to believe what she had just witnessed, an odd mixture of nervousness and a perverse sense of victory pervading her. She treaded lightly, walking around to see Natsuki's expression. The girl in front of her looked shell-shocked. Nao cleared her throat. "Well... eh... that sucks."

The unenthusiastic attempt at empathy backfired horribly, and Natsuki's expression snapped into a rage. "Shut up. Shut your god damn mouth." Nao raised her hands defensively, trying to apologize, but Natsuki talked straight over her, her eyes wild. "What are you still doing here? Do you think I've forgiven you for what happened last night?"

The redhead's expression fell to a cold neutral. She opened her mouth, trying to think of something that could summarize her feelings to her enraged and hurt friend, but she failed. Sick of the drama and fighting, Nao finally decided to simply take the path of least resistance, and walked out silently, leaving a very alone Natsuki in her wake.

-----

Nao didn't make it very far... she just leaned against the wall next to Natsuki's door and slid down into a sitting position against the wall. She clenched her hand into a fist, grinding it against carpeted hallway floor. The turbulent emotional roller coaster of the last day had left her drained, and she didn't have the strength to try and decode whatever the final result had been from the day. She was too mixed up... and hungry.

As she thought this, she spotted a man in a red uniform walking up towards the door she sat beside, bearing a white, oblong box. He stopped before her, looking at her dubiously. "Did you order an eight cut cheese pizza?"

"... yes. Yes I did." She smiled at him sweetly, holding out her hands without rising.

He handed over the box, and watched her open it and tear into a slice like a starving woman. He waited until she had devoured nearly half the piece before he cleared his throat. "You wanna pay me?"

She stopped chewing slowly, raising her eyes to his with deliberate intent. "Do you want to leave here with your genitals intact?"

He tried to stare down at her even gaze, but looked away and swallowed. After straightening his collar, he muttered something about 'on the house' and walked away.

Nao returned to her pizza slice, eating slower and savoring the flavor. _Somehow, it tastes even better now. _She glanced towards the oaken surface of the door to Natsuki's apartment. The sounds of a choked sobbing were leaking out under the door. Nao reached out, pressing a single, grease covered finger against the door, wishing that she could somehow give comfort. That longing... the feeling that she actually wanted to help someone... she still hadn't entirely gotten used to it, but she didn't mind it either. After a time, she let the finger drop and turned back, leaning flat against the wall with a small grin. Somehow, even with everything that had happened, she had a feeling that everything would end up working out.


	8. Shades of Gray: Resuscitation

Author's Note: What's this? A chapter out so fast the internet probably got whiplash? Tell me it isn't so!

What can I say? This was by far the easiest chapter I've ever written. I'm not going to complain,and I guess you won't either.

-----

It is a commonly held belief that dreams are in black and white. But if that was true... why were all of her dreams painted a murky, blood crimson?

Nao struggled forward through the room, fighting against the very air itself. The atmosphere was a cloying, choking substance; scalding her skin, searing her throat and lungs as she sucked down huge gulps of the vile, acrid substance, desperately seeking the oxygen she needed to keep going. Her vision was dimming, the peripheral receding into a tunnel vision. Her chest heaved, and her muscles burned. She was drowning... drowning in her own sin.

Willing her way towards the far wall, she finally could make out her destination through the sanguine mist. A tall figure hung bound from the wall, a torrent of raven hair spilling over her shoulders against the black and red bodysuit. With a final burst of energy from screaming muscles, she threw herself over to Natsuki, crushing their lips together. Precious, life-giving air flooded into her chest, drawn hungrily from between the older girl's lips. The room imploded, swirling debris and shattered glass from the destroyed apartment forming a vortex around them, drawing inwards. Nao pressed her eyes shut, steeling herself as the tumbling wreckage closed in on them, slamming into their bodies and flensing skin from bone. The agony was short lived, as Nao's awareness faded to the single point where she was kissing Natsuki, as the rest of the world melted away.

-----

Her mind slowly stirred to consciousness. _What the hell did that mean? _Wisps of the dream resisted her attempts to put together something coherent, and it quickly began to fade. And she forgot about the dream completely as realization of where she had fallen asleep came to her.

Whether it was the low creaking of the door that preceded the raven haired girl's exit from her apartment that awoke Nao, or just the natural terminus of her dream, Nao didn't know. But when she opened her eyes, she saw a haggard looking Natsuki standing next to her in the hall, still zipping up the bodysuit she had recently changed into. The older girl stopped short when she saw Nao waking from sleeping in the hallway, but she looked pleasantly surprised. "Oh good... you're still here. I need your help."

Nao rubbed the sand out of her eyes. "My... help? What time is it?"

"Nearly seven... its been four hours since you and Shizuru left." Natsuki extended a hand to help Nao up.

Nao accepted the gesture, rising, but halfway through her attempt to stand, she shuddered. "Augh. My back..."

"That... didn't really look like the most comfortable sleeping position." Natsuki scooped an arm around Nao, supporting her as they rose a second time.

"Th... thanks." Nao said. She stretched from side to side, trying to work the pain out of her body. Sagging against Natsuki's supporting arm for longer than was strictly necessary to recover, finally she stood on her own feet and regarded Natsuki solemnly. "So... what's wrong?"

"Shizuru's car is still outside in the parking lot, but she isn't answering her cellphone. I'm worried about her."

"So? She can take care of herself, can't she?"

Natsuki shook her head. "I doubt she's in a very good state of mind, after what happened, and... its my fault" She exhaled through pursed lips in frustration. "I'm worried that she's going to hurt herself."

Nao frowned. "What am I? Chopped liver? How did you know I wasn't all in a suicidal rage somewhere? Were you going to go looking for me too?"

Natsuki pulled her keys out of her pocket, locking her apartment shut. "Honestly? I trust you a lot more than Shizuru when it comes to mental stability."

Nao raised an eyebrow at that, but a small smirk from Natsuki confirmed that she fully understood the irony of her statement. "Well... thanks, I guess. Not much competition, I suppose."

"So will you help me?"

Nao gazed into those forest-green eyes, only a shade different than her own. _To intentionally try and track down the she-demon, and subject myself to spending time with her, all to satisfy your worries. The things I'll do for you, Natsuki... _She nodded slowly. "I guess."

Natsuki offered her a warm smile as she turned away to walk down the hall towards the exit of the building. "Thank you."

Nao watched her retreating back for a moment before blurting out her concerns. "So wait. Does this mean you forgive me for what happened last night?"

Natsuki stopped, and half turned her head to glance at Nao. "I... I'm not sure. I didn't mean to snap at you. But I don't really have time to think about anything at this point. I need to make sure Shizuru isn't in any danger, then I need to concentrate on passing my finals. After that, you and I will both be on break, and we can talk." Nao nodded, and a moment passed between them. "I... want us to be friends, Nao."

_Well, that's something at least. _Nao wasn't sure what to say in response; she had never been very good at mushy things like this. "... yeah. I'd like that too." she managed at last.

Natsuki hesitantly approached her, and drew her in for a quick, uncertain hug. "Thank you. I know you don't like Shizuru very much, and I appreciate the help. I just don't know what I'd do if she..."

"Yeah... no problem." Nao agreed, sort of understanding the dilemma.

They walked down the stairs to the parking lot side by side in silence. "I'm going to take the motorcycle. I guess I'll leave the areas closer by to you... parks, shops, that sort of thing."

"Sure thing."

Natsuki gave her a final nod of appreciation, then roared off down the street on the bike.

Nao watched her drive away, then looked around, rubbing her hands. "All right. If I was a crazy psycho-bitch... where would I be?"

She began to search.

-----

Considering the size and population of Fuuka city, and the chances of two lone searchers randomly stumbling upon a single person in that teaming mass of humanity, this plan had a extremely low chance of success, Nao knew. Which was why she was so surprised when from her spot on the path she spotted a figure in a crème colored outfit and a yellow flower pinned to the lapel, leaning against a tree. She slowed from the jog she had been at, and veered off the path to head over. She approached at a trot, confirming that it was indeed Shizuru, and then walked up. She was tempted to simply deliver a terse message and leave, but the sight of the older girl's unseeing eyes not even registering her existence, made her decide otherwise. There was another tree, a few feet away from the one that Shizuru leaned against, and Nao took up a position against that one in silence. They leaned, side by side, in silence for a while. Nao thought of and discarded a multitude of conversation starters... none seemed right.

"This the part when I'm supposed to say 'I'll never turn her over to you, Kishamaru.', right?"

Shizuru's voice startled her out of thought. The statement made no sense to her, until she managed to place the quote. That was a famous line from an old movie, one of the first examples of original Japanese cinema, and a famous classic samurai romantic tragedy. She struggled to remember the appropriate response. "Then I'm supposed to say 'She was never yours to give in the first place, Miyouto.', right?"

Shizuru turned to her and nodded approval, a small smile on her face. "Just so."

Nao snorted, remembering the roles of the original speakers of that quote. "Since when did _I_ become the hero of our sad little story?"

"The moment Natsuki began to regard me as the enemy." Shizuru answered succinctly.

Nao swallowed uncertainly. Hearing Shizuru say something that disheartened made her stomach do flip-flops. In a fight over Natsuki with Shizuru, victory had never even really seemed possible before. At best, she had hoped that if it came down to it, she could claw Shizuru down into the depths of hell along with her. But now, Shizuru seemed almost resigned to losing. Nao's life would certainly be easier if Shizuru thought Natsuki hated her, but... doubt and guilt gnawed at her. The eyes so similar to her own begged her, and she relented, clearing her throat before speaking. "I... uh... don't think she hates you."

Shizuru gazed into her eyes. Her expression was impassive, but those eyes might as well have been spears that were pinning her against the tree. "You don't?"

"N... no." Nao managed, shaking her head and looking away. "For one thing, she's been calling you frantically for a while, trying to make sure you're okay."

Shizuru inclined her head. "I turned off my cellphone. I think Natsuki has seen enough of me for one day, no?"

"Just... call her and let her know you're okay." Nao requested, grinding her foot back and forth in the dirt. "So she isn't worried." she elaborated.

Shizuru nodded slowly. "I will. And... thank you for affording me that courtesy."

"... what?"

"Telling me that Natsuki was worried."

"Oh." Nao shrugged. "Its just the truth."

There was a long silence, and Nao tried to sort out her feelings for the tawny haired woman before her. Her hatred for people like Shizuru had stemmed from long before Natsuki even came into the picture, but if only for Natsuki's sake, she could see herself learning to tolerate the woman's eccentricities. She glanced up to see Shizuru staring at her. "... what?"

Shizuru gave an apologetic smile. "I'm afraid I wandered without much regard of how to get back. Do you know a scenic route out?"

"Uh... sure. I should be getting home anyway. Follow me."

They walked together back to the path, then headed towards an exit to the park. Nao happened to know the area fairly well, since after the sun set, all sorts of unsavory individuals began to use it as a haven for their illicit activities.

"So... how are you getting home?" Shizuru asked.

"I figured I'd just take the subway. I've got..." She felt around in the pocket of her skirt, then sighed. "Crap. My subway pass must have fallen out of my pocket while I slept." She absently kicked a rock in frustration. "Well, I guess I can wait until Natsuki gets home, she'll let me in, then..."

"I can drive you home." Shizuru offered graciously, tilting her head.

Nao bit her lip. "Well, it wouldn't be that long of a wait, so..."

"I don't mind driving you at all." Shizuru smiled.

"Uh..." Nao stalled, considering her options. "Okay then."

-----

Nao drummed the fingers on the hand she was hanging out of the car against the outside of the door. It was a silver convertible Lexus, and considerably nicer than anything she had driven in before. Shizuru had spent the ride in silence, which Nao didn't mind, preferring to enjoy the feeling of the wind through her hair with her eyes closed. It took Shizuru considerably longer to make the journey to Nao's house, due to her actually following the speed limit, but the journey was still more enjoyable than the subway.

When they finally reached Nao's house, Shizuru got out too, coming around the vehicle to face Nao. The redhead glanced upwards uncertainly. "Thanks... for the ride."

Shizuru wrapped her arms around Nao, clasping her tightly. Nao got the distinct impression that she was more of a convenient object to hold on to in the middle of emotional turbulence rather than getting any real warmth from Shizuru, but Nao accepted the gesture regardless. She even returned the hug a little, though it felt like the earth itself might crack open, emitting streams of flying pigs, such was the unlikeliness of this situation.

After a long moment, approaching the point when the younger girl would have trouble breathing, Shizuru let go. She sniffed away a small tear, and nodded to Nao. "I might see you around soon."

Nao rubbed the back of her neck. "Right."

The journey to her steps was a long one. Even just thinking about everything that had happened over the last two days made her dizzy. It would be good to be home. She opened her front door, calling inside. "I'm home."

Kaori was sitting on the couch in their living room, reading a book, but quickly rose. "Nao-chan! Welcome back!"

She sniffed. "What smells so good?"

Her mother disappeared to the kitchen for a moment returning to Nao bearing a tray of brownies. "I've been cooking a tray of 'Do Your Best' brownies. You've got finals tomorrow, right?"

"Right." Nao monotoned back. She didn't really want to think about the tests. Biting into the treat, her eyes widened. "This is... really good."

Her mother smirked. "Of course it is. You don't think your mother is a lousy cook, do you?"

Nao rolled her eyes playfully. "This is why I never give you compliments, Mama. I give you an inch, and you'll take a mile."

Kaori's attention was drawn to Shizuru, who was leaning against the side of her car, apparently finally making good on her promise to call Natsuki. "So... who's the girl who brought you home?"

"A..." _Wait, what is Shizuru to me? Certainly not a friend, but... I suppose not an enemy either. _"An acquaintance."

"Acquaintance, huh." Her mother echoed, her eyes still scrutinizing Shizuru's figure. "She's cute. We should invite her over for dinner."

Nao's eyes widened in panic. "No! She's crazy."

"Aren't we all?"

"No, like... _really_ crazy. Psychotic."

Kaori smirked. "Is that why you were hugging her?"

Nao blanched. "You were watching that?"

Kaori only grinned wider.

"No... that was... well... kind of complicated." Nao fumbled for words. "Just trust me, she's bad news."

The older redhead sighed dramatically. "Fine. Just promise me you're not cheating on Natsuki." she said lightheartedly.

"... wh... what?" Nao stuttered, feeling a blush coming to her cheeks. She scowled, turning away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Kaori smirked triumphantly. "So you're not? Good."

"Mama!"


	9. Shades of Gray: Cotton Armor

Author's Note: This is pretty short, mostly just a preview for the festival sequence, but its something to tide you over while I finish up the massive final chapter of the story. Anyone who is knowledgeable about Japanese culture, and kimonos more specifically, will probably feel that Kaori's explanations to Nao are awkward and unnecessary, but I wrote them in so that a reader unfamiliar with wearing kimonos (a safe majority of my audience, I'm guessing) will be able to follow the story.

-----

"This is absurd! There must be more than twenty pieces to this!" Nao picked up a long strip of silk, examining it as it dangled between a pair of pinched fingers. "What is this one for?"

Kaori smiled placatingly. "That is the 'eri'. It acts as the collar."

Nao glowered in mild resentment. "Do you seriously expect me to put this thing on?"

"Learning how to don a kimono is an important part of any girls life." Kaori admonished with a grin.

"Right... Since when are you one to keep to traditions, Mama?" Nao demanded.

"I keep to the ones that I want to." Kaori said pointedly. "You won't regret this, Nao... I promise you'll look amazing."

"I'll look like a gussied up geisha." Nao countered.

"Nonsense... I'm not even asking you to put on make up. Trust me... a kimono will look very flattering on you."

"How long is this going to take? We only have an hour before the festival starts, and we still have to drive in." Nao observed.

"Really?" Kaori looked at the clock in surprise. "Well, fine. I was hoping to use this as an opportunity to teach you the full kimono donning process, but we'll have to skip that for now." She went to the closet, pulling out a cotton copy of the garment on the bed. This one's fabric was golden yellow, patterned primarily with white floral shapes blended into the gold, with an occasional aqua blue or fiery red bloom scattered around as accents. "This is my old yukata, and almost perfectly your size. A yukata is a lighter version of a kimono, designed for wear in the summer, and much easier to put on."

Nao looked at it distastefully. "How many of these random pieces of cloth do I still need?"

"Well..." Kaori tapped her lip. "A yukata is unlined, so you don't need any of the _nagajuban_. That's the word for the lining." she elaborated, turning back to the closet and rummaging around. "Some of the other pieces are there to ensure it doesn't crease or fold... and to pad your figure." She turned to Nao's disgruntled expression. "Well, they're optional... you probably don't even need them. Basically, all you really _need_ is the yukata itself and the obi." She pulled out a foot wide piece of bright orange material from storage, folded into a stack. "This thing. It goes around your waist."

"I _know_." the redhead objected darkly. "Just because I don't know how to put one on doesn't mean I've never heard the word 'obi' before." She lifted the yukata gingerly, as though it might bite.

"It's just... I wish I could have taught you this years and years ago. I feel like I've... failed somehow, as a mother."

Nao shot an exasperated look at the other woman. She knew she was being guilt tripped, but from Kaori, such tricks worked anyway. "Fine." she relented, stripping out of her clothes. "But if I don't like it, I'm taking it off."

Her mother half hid her smug smile, gently wrapped the cotton robe around Nao, then drew the obi around her waist in several overlapping rotations. There were several stages of smoothing before Kaori finally brought the material together into a large bow and cinched it tight. Steering her over to a full length mirror, her mother clasped her arms around her daughter's shoulders from behind and hunched down slightly to put her head on Nao's shoulder. "See? You look beautiful."

Nao contemplated, watching her mother's brilliant smile, and gazed at her own figure. The golden fabric was dazzling, and the cloth did drape over her in a flattering manner. She could see an appeal in a strange, anachronistic way. It wouldn't be her first choice of wear if she was trying to look good, or even her second or third, but...

"Alright. I'll wear it."

"Good." her mother grinned. "You're going to take Natsuki-chan's breath away."

Nao managed a weak smile. She had stopped trying to hide her feelings for the raven haired girl from her mother, since her every attempt at denial had been completely ineffectual. Kaori seemed supportive, at least when she wasn't teasing her daughter mercilessly about it. At least her mother had the grace not to ask for any details. Lately, there weren't details to give even if Nao had been willing to share them. Over the last week, her only contact with Natsuki was a short phone call to confirm that they were both actually going to the festival. Her once enemy had been deep in the midsts of studying for a math exam, so Nao let her go after a making the confirmation. But now exams were over, and they would be seeing each other again. "Thanks for your confidence, Mama." she managed at last.

Kaori pulled away, going into the closet, drawing a second yukata out. This one was an aqua blue, with a sparser pattern of white and pink sea shells. Her mother shucked her own clothing, stepping into the robe and folding it expertly. She had Nao help her put on the blazing red obi sash, then did a girlish pirouette in the mirror. "Damn. Still got it in me." she said with confidence.

Nao had to admit, her mother looked really good in a yukata. "You're really going to come to the festival too?"

Her mother faked a wounded look. "You don't want to be seen with your mother?"

"It's not that... just..."

"Don't worry. I'll give you and Natsuki a wide berth, and only stop by to embarrass you occasionally."

Nao rolled her eyes, having no doubt to the validity to that statement. "Okay then, let's go."

-----

Finally... my responses to my many reviewers. I'm so honored to have gotten this many reviews over the course of the story. There were so many that I can't respond to each personally... only the ones that were elaborate enough to draw a response out from me. If I didn't leave you a specific message, its nothing personal, just that I couldn't think of anything more specific to say to you besides the honest truth: 'Thank you very much for reading my story. I write for myself, but if even one person reads it and enjoys it, so much the better.'

And now specific comments. Reviewers are listed in alphabetical order.

Akatsuki – Ahh... you flatter. But I'm glad to hear of another convert. I wonder if I get some sort of credit for this in the afterlife?

Astarael00 – Yes, Nao is rather predisposed towards violence, isn't she? But thank you, I'd like to think the pairing is believable as well. Your threatening my lack of updates with punishment by Nao, Natsuki and Shizuru was more tempting than anything else, but I tried and keep a solid update schedule none the less.

Conri – I'm glad you enjoyed the format of the story. I certainly prefer stories this way, though one shots are enjoyable too in their own way. The other characters have faded away I came to focus more on NaoNatShiz, but I'll be using the rest of the Mai HiME cast more, I promise. To elaborate on why I skipped the cooking scene... I tried to write it, but it was too difficult. I don't know how to cook worth a darn, so I couldn't come up with enough entertaining material to make a scene.

CrazedChakra101 – I was extremely touched by the effort that you went through to get me to write more during my long silence. For those who are reading this... CrazedChakra101 wrote an extremely good continuation of my story after it seemed I had abandoned it, hoping that it would prod me into continuing. Unfortunately, plot is never my tripping point, and I already knew where I wanted the story to go, but I still had so much fun reading it over.

DarkFenix – Yay! You stuck with me from the beginning, always gracing my review list with volumes of text, and every word was a joy to read. I can trust you to be frank, and let me know when you disagreed and thought I was drifting into a dangerous spot or nearing OOC. Somehow, that makes the compliments all the sweeter. Truly... thank you so much for your patience, perseverance and honesty.

doesntmatter – Nao never has sex with any of the men she 'entangles'; she directly says so in the anime, and God help the author who changes that fact. As Firefly's Shepard Book would say... _'If you (make lesbian characters straight), ____you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they res_erve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater'.

Icarium – I'm afraid I can't forfill the request of Nao beating up Shizuru, but Natsuki smacks her pretty good (zomg spoilers! No wait... I hope you're past that part if you're reading this). That's almost as good, right? Mayhaps better, I guess. But Shizuru is here to stay, I'm afraid. I hope you'll be able to stand her.

Lang – I don't suppose it would be creepy if I accepted your marriage proposal here? Oh well. _Blush_ Its sort of a strange feeling... to get fangirled by a girl you've been fangirling for a while... there's some strange sort of recursive metatruth about the universe in there somewhere. I'm just happy to have created something you enjoyed.

Hoppy-chan / Naolin – You learned to be open minded rather quickly (over the space of three chapters, if I'm reading the reviews correctly). I like that in a person. I'm currently enjoying your Pirate AU fic as well. If my musings as Nao have graced your consciousness and inspired you to write her into a deeper character, then yay! I'm honored by your praise. We continuity writers have to stick together, right? Good luck with everything, and thanks for reading.

Nagumo – While the mental image the scene creates is incredibly tempting, I'm afraid that Nao and Shizuru both simply have too big of egos to ever share Natsuki. That says nothing of Natsuki's issues with the situation. Why am I explaining why it wouldn't work, when you clearly illustrated the point as a joke rather than a serious suggestion? Probably because I'm more of trying to talk _myself _out of it than anything else. Darn tempting mental images. So... yeah. I'd never do it, but... I'd read a one shot of that, probably multiple times.

p0lythene girl – Thanks for your kind words. Everyone says I write Nao the best... should I be scared that I'm best able to place myself in the role of the most bitter and murderous of the HiME? (To answer my own rhetorical question... no)

sakuraharunosrival – I was pretty mean with the cliffhangers there, wasn't I? Sorry! Anyone who says the world needs more NaoNat fics is a friend of mine

Shigan – I remember you from the animesuki boards! You and Kieli had the greatest interactions. I enjoyed both of your stories immensely, and I'm honored by your comments.

Sumiregawa Nenene – Of course you can be my fangirl! The honor is mine, I assure you. I look forward to your reviews, as each one is so energetic and full of delightful emotion. Your recent flaming in the defense of NaoNat was not only heartwarming, but also made me giggle quite loudly in the middle of my philosophy class, and earned me some odd looks. Thank you for sticking with me the whole way, and I hope you enjoyed the trip as much as I did planning it.

TheDisruptiveOne - Ahh... TheDisruptiveOne. What can I say? Every single one of your reviews was an absolute joy to read. You certainly don't live up to your name... you contributed much more than you probably realize to the creation of this fic, in critique, speculation and simply boosting my motivation by showing that you cared. I simply cannot thank you enough for the tomes you've written about my work, but here's an attempt anyway: Thank you so very much. If you ever need anything: be it a beta, someone to bounce ideas off... I'd gladly be at your service.

Wolfmon – Legal action may be a bit extreme for your defection, but the NaoNat camp is always happy to have another member, even if you only have one foot in.

xMing Yue – I wholeheartedly agree with your observations about life and how it relates to my title. So much of the experience of life is about enjoying the blundering, rather than stressing over how you didn't end up where you wanted. _Smile_

youneverknow – Your prediction of a Nao versus Shizuru confrontation turned out to be right, though maybe not quite in the way you had expected. I hoped it lived up to your hopes! And I'm glad the hug scene gave you a fluffy feeling... it was really a fun scene to write. There's just something special about an emotionally shattered girl's first hug... ya know?

And that's it, until I get the final chapter out. Don't worry... its not the end of the adventures of Nao, Natsuki, Shizuru, Kaori, and the rest of the Mai HiME gang. You'll understand when it comes out... my lips are sealed for now.


	10. Shades of Gray: Festival of Hearts

Author's Note: I underestimated how much I had left to write, so here's the second to last chapter. The final chapter should be out shortly. Sorry this one took so long... work on this story has been intermixed with work I've been doing on the sequel to this. More details on that at the end of the final chapter. For now, enjoy!

-----

With the low rumble of a well tuned motor, Natsuki coasted her bike into Fuuka Gakuen's familiar parking lot. It was mid-afternoon, without a cloud in the sky, and the sun beat down mercilessly. It was unseasonably hot, especially in her jumpsuit. Ignoring the painted lines, she gave the vehicle a small bit of gas to head past the other cars and aim for a shady spot under a tree.

Parking her bike on the lawn, she drew her helmet off with a flourish. Without the protection of the plastic shell, she felt a rush of warm air against her face. The humidity was almost oppressive, as though the moisture in the was so thick, it began to condense on her skin. She stripped off the suit, exposing her jeans and robin blue blouse underneath. Ignoring the weather, she set off, determined to burn off the stress she had accumulated over the last week.

The studying had definitely taken its toll on her, but she felt like she had made it through the exam gauntlet with relatively decent scores and her sanity intact, if only barely. It felt damn good to finally be done with exams and actually enjoying her life again. This month of vacation would do her well. She normally wasn't much of a fan of festivals, but after Nao had called to ensure she was going, it hadn't taken much internal argument before she finally relented and decided to go.

The raven haired girl strolled through the familiar parking lot, heading towards the section of campus the school had converted into festival grounds. The transition into fairground was abrupt, as suddenly a garden-lined walkway hit a wall of painted banners and wooden stalls. The festival had just opened, so the crowds weren't very thick. Scanning over the figures she could see from the entrance, no one that she recognized popped out at her. Undaunted, she strode inside the festival grounds.

-----

"Onii-chan" came the plaintive whine. Mai felt the temptation to turn and swat the child behind her, however unseemly it might be. It was an effort, but she managed to restrain herself, forcing a neutral expression before she glanced back.

Her honey-blond haired boyfriend had an annoyed, yet resigned expression on his face. "We're going to listen to the youth choir first, remember? We don't have time to stop for takoyaki."

"But... I'm hungry..."

"Shiho-chan." Mai intoned crisply, carefully keeping her anger out of her voice. "We all decided that we would see the Fuuka Youth Choir, since they're only doing one show this year. If we don't get there soon, we'll miss it."

The octopus haired girl looked up at her with a expression that hovered halfway between smoldering resentment and an innocent pout. That look had ceased to have any effect on Mai; holding Yuuichi as he died in her arms burned out any sympathy she had held towards Shiho. But Yuuichi still harbored some strange sense of responsibility towards the girl, so Mai tolerated her presence for his sake.

Turning on a heel, she headed off towards the central square of the festival. She heard Yuuichi's footsteps begin again behind her, and as Shiho was clinging to the blond boy's arm, she was dragged along as well. Mai bit her lip, glancing at the people around them watching the spectacle. It was shameful, really. He was her boyfriend, but that little menace in her pink yukata was the one at his side. It made her skin crawl. And yet, that was the only reaction she had. Over the last months, the jealousy that had welled up inside her had slowly waned, until only a bitterness remained in its wake. If Yuuichi was willing to let her cling to him like a parasite, then that was his choice, and it wasn't her place to force him to stop.

She couldn't help but glance back again. This time, Yuuichi at least had the grace to make an apologetic smile. Mai turned back without replying in kind. She loved Yuuichi, she truly did. And when it was just the two of them together, things were enjoyable and fun. But times like this left her with a burning sensation in her chest. She slowly and deliberately relaxed her fist into an open hand, beckoning them to hurry and follow her.

-----

Though an entire crowd thronged around her, Shizuru concentrated on the sound of her geta sandals making sharp rapping sounds against the cobblestone path. It was difficult to pick out the sound of her own footsteps among the cacophony created by the masses of people around her, but that was part of enjoyment of the exercise... a sort of meditation as she walked. The rhythmic beat of the knocking sound soothed her, granting her expression a serenity which would have been impossible to maintain otherwise.

The past week had been a period of mourning for her, and her yukata represented that. She wore an undecorated fabric of the deepest crimson, with a golden obi drawn into a simple extra fold on the back... attire more appropriate for an older woman. But the severity of her yukata fit her mood. A large chunk of what had once been her life was now gone, and the hole it left in her chest seared like white fire. Her tumultuous path through the five stages of grief had been hard on her.

First, had come denial. She had wandered the leafy isles of the municipal park near Natsuki's apartment for hours, letting her fingers trace along thorny brush, leaving red scratches down her open palms. The raven haired girl had been a part of her life, if only in her mind, for so many years now. It didn't seem possible that it was over... that she really had lost her chances with Natsuki forever. She kept expecting to wake up, to realize that this was all simply a complex and realistic nightmare she was having. But even when she pinched herself to the point of making herself bleed, reality refused to give in.

After her encounter with Nao, denial had faded into anger. A dark voice inside of her, the one she had associated with the demon-child Kiyohime, began to gnaw at her soul. Deep down, she knew that the voice was not Kiyohime's, but rather a part of herself. Even though she wanted to believe otherwise; to assign blame for the actions she regretted elsewhere, the fact that the voice was still with her when Kiyohime was not was evidence enough. Regardless of blame, she had been driven into a sleepless insanity for three days; throwing and destroying every object in her hotel room that was not nailed down, and even some that had been. Sometime through the second day, the hotel manager had entered her room to threaten to call the police if she did not stop bothering the other tenants. But the seething, furious expression she had given him as she stood there, heaving for breath, had apparently been enough to convince him not to follow through with the threat.

Third, had come bargaining. Laying amongst the ruins of her self-wrought destruction, she had prayed to every spirit and god imaginable... her ancestors, the kami, the Buddha, and even the Christian's God. Her only reply was a deafening silence inside of her head... an absence of sound that seemed as though it was trying to suck her in and destroy her. The void echoed with trace whispers of Kiyohime's hissing whispers, audible despite her best efforts to crush him down under her will. But the whispers were only teases or laughter... never the urgings that had come to her during the Festival. For that, at least, she was grateful.

The fourth stage, grief, set in quickly. It hadn't taken her long to give up on prayer and descend into despair; Shizuru had never put much faith in spirits or gods, preferring to believe instead in her own strength. When even that strength left her, as it had, she had little to fall back upon. The tears had streamed down her face until she could not even find the will to cry.

And finally came acceptance. Is that where she was now? Honestly, she couldn't answer her own question. It was strange, to be so psychologically aware of the path her grief traveled, he be so helpless to the churning waves of her own emotions.

A voice interrupted her thoughts from behind; a warm, low simmer of masculinity. She turned, smiling brightly, to face one of the few males she held respect for. "Ara... Reito-san... I'm glad to see you again."

"As am I to see you, Shizuru-kaichou." The man was wearing a deep blue yukata of a heavier material than was really suitable for this weather, but emphasized his rugged appeal.

Shizuru gave him an admonishing look. "I'm not the President anymore, I'm afraid."

"Ah, but you'll always be my President, Shizuru." He smiled with a humble, yet brilliant smile that would melt most women.

She favored him with a returned smile, but didn't deign to voice a reply. She had grown accustomed to Reito's flirting long ago, back when they first began to seriously interact as they ran for Student Council positions together. She wasn't sure how serious he had been back before they knew each well, but the flirting he did nowadays was simply a matter of his ego demanding that he go through the motions. They had come to a good understanding of each other's positions. He had a relentless pressure put upon him by his adopted family to be not only successful, but the _most_ successful, at whatever he did. It was a feeling that she could empathize with quite well, since her situation was not entirely different. Neither of them had ever bothered to dispel the rumors about their dating... such rumors made it so she needed to ward off the boys with crushes on her less frequently, and for Reito, the 'forbidden fruit' aspect only increased his appeal with the freshman girls, which was fine by him. She had made it perfectly clear that she wasn't interested, and after they had come to that understanding, they had developed a solid working relationship and friendship.

A girl next to Reito tugged on his yukata to call his attention back, a girl who Shizuru took a moment to place. Minagi Mikoto had gone through significant physical development in the last few months. She had gotten at least a few inches taller, and her bust and hips were filling out well. Perhaps she was simply a late bloomer after all.

"Mikoto... say hello properly to Shizuru-san." Reito admonished with gentle tone.

"... hi." Mikoto said, with a bashful aversion of her eyes. The young girl had never seemed comfortable around Shizuru, the ex-president reflected.

"Hello to you too, Mikoto." Shizuru said politely before turning back to Reito. "You managed to peel her away from Tokiha-san?"

"I've been told that I'm one of the few who can. Right Mikoto?"

"Mm mm." the feral girl agreed enthusiastically. "Anii-ue is fun to be around."

Reito chuckled and rubbed her on the head before turning back. "So... Shizuru-san. Forgive my rudeness in asking, but... are you with someone here?"

Shizuru shook her head. "I came alone."

"As I thought. You seem... unhappy."

She only gazed at him evenly in reply.

"Then, perhaps you'd care to join us for a time?"

The auburn haired woman made a show of considering it, but then smiled in acceptance. "I'd love to."

-----

Nao wiggled out of the car, embroiled in a struggle with her yukata of epic proportions. She staggered, then leaned against the doorframe for support. "Geh... I think it got tighter during the ride."

Kaori grinned while spinning the keys around her finger, regarding her with an evaluating eye. "Nope... it looks perfect. Don't worry, it takes some practice to learn to walk around in these things."

Nao's eyes bulged. "Well, great. If we weren't _at _the festival, maybe I could get some practice in. But I don't fancy falling over in front of a crowd." She squirmed, awkwardly trying to loosen the obi's knot's, despite not being able to see it.

"Stop, Nao-chan." Kaori swatted her hands away. "If you loosen it anymore, its liable to fall open before the end of the night. You wouldn't want that, now would you?" Her mother winked and headed for the gates.

Nao struggled to come up with a response, but her mother's receding form didn't appear to care. Resuming her previously foiled in her attempts to make herself more comfortable, she struggled to catch up with her mother. "I can barely even walk." she grumbled.

"You can still walk, just take shorter steps."

"I feel like I'm hobbling... like some sort of cripple." The material of her yukata prevented her from taking strides any more than half as long as normal, which meant making twice as many steps to reach a normal pace in a sort of rapid shuffle. Combined with the awkwardness of walking with the wooden sandals, she felt ridiculous.

"Take it easy... this isn't a race." Kaori said with sympathy. "You'll get used to it in no time."

They walked on, and Nao concentrated on matching her mother's pace, and before they had made it too far into the festival, she was fairly certain she could avoid toppling over, at least. She still was worried the entire dress might unravel and fall off if she ever needed to run, but that was a risk she was going to have to take. _'How the hell did Shizuru manage to kick my ass in one of these? She must live in these things.'_

They entered the festival, and spent some time exploring the stands. Eventually, Kaori left to buy food while Nao was alone. The redhead continued to scan the crowds, but she couldn't spot anyone that she knew... at least no one she had any real desire to talk to. Kaori returned to her after buying what looked like two onigiri. With half hers already gone, the mother handed Nao's to her. As they ate, Kaori shook Nao's shoulder and gestured with her chin. "Is that your friend?"

It took Nao a moment to track who her mother meant through the throning crowd, but Shizuru and Reito both were unusually tall for Japanese, and spotting the former executive pair wasn't difficult. "I told you, she's not my friend." she muttered.

"Nonsense. You trusted her enough to ride in her car, didn't you? Call her over."

"Wh... No." Nao responded resolutely.

Kaori looked disappointed, but then shrugged. "Fine." Her mother put an arm behind her back, subtly but firmly guiding them towards the ex-president. When they were fairly close, she made a feigned exclamation of surprise. "Nao-chan... look, its your friends from school! What a coincidence."

Nao closed her eyes, trying to avoid letting the feeling of panic cross her face. When she reopened her eyes, she could see that those she didn't want to meet were all greeting her in their own way; Mikoto was waving enthusiastically at her, Reito was smiling in her direction, and Shizuru was giving her an ambivalent look which could indicate anything from a warm greeting to impending doom. "Hello, everyone." she said in a tone belying her lack of enthusiasm.

Reito stepped forward, giving Kaori a bow. "Nao-san, I don't believe I've ever been introduced to your older sister."

Kaori gave a polite laugh, and smiled broadly. "Well, go on, Nao-chan."

Nao scowled, upset she was forced into this, but tried to straighten her face into something that wasn't impolite when she spoke to Reito and Shizuru. "This is my _mother_, Kaori. Mama, this is Kanzaki Reito, Minagi Mikoto, and..." she hesitated before speaking the woman's name. "Fujino Shizuru."

Reito shook his head. "I go by Minagi as well now, I'm afraid. But don't worry, there's no way you could have known that."

Nao noted that Shizuru looked surprised by that announcement too, though Mikoto had a pleased smile.

"It sounds like there's an interesting story behind that." Kaori observed.

"Not really. There's a story, but its terribly boring." Reito said, undertones in his voice making it clear that he simply didn't want to talk about.

Mikoto grabbed the side of Reito's yukata again, smiling up at Kaori. "He's my Anii-ue. That's why."

"And so there my questions will end." Kaori replied gracefully.

There was the beginnings of an uncomfortable pause, but Reito quickly picked up the slack. "So... Yuuki-san, is it then?"

"Call me Kaori." the older redhead quickly interjected.

"Kaori-san then... would you care to join us as we walk the fairgrounds?"

"I would be honored to." she replied, the charm in her voice matching the former student council vice-president's.

-----

"Well, this is thrilling." Sarcasm dripped from the honey-blond's voice, Mai noted.

"You said you wanted to listen to the choir too." Mai muttered, hurt that he would take out his aggravation on her. Suddenly, the dreadful heat of the afternoon sun felt worse, and the singing of the young girls up on stage was less enjoyable.

Yuuichi scratched the back of his head. "Yeah... I did say that. I know its important to you. But we didn't need to listen to it from start to finish, and stopping for food would have at least gotten her off my back a little..."

His voice was plaintive, almost whiny to her ears, irking her. "Well, fine." She scowled and turned from him. "Go get a freaken octopus ball with her then, if its so important to you that spoiled brat is happy. You two can make a date out of it, since you're apparently not interested in going on one with me." Snarling under her breath, she stalked away, ignoring Yuuichi's protests from behind her. _'This is probably some sort of record...' _Mai thought bitterly as she fled. _'We usually make it at least a minute into a conversation before we start bickering.' _The fighting between her and Yuuichi had grown more frequent over the last few weeks. Or maybe... it wasn't that the fighting had become more frequent, but just that she had become less willing to accept his selfish ways and was less accommodating. She was so involved in her own inner turmoil as she walked that she knocked shoulders with a taller figure in front of her, and nearly fell backwards. Apologizing hurriedly, she bowed. "I'm so sorry..."

A pair of mechanical red eyes framed by light blue bangs turned to stare back at her with a neutral expression. "No apology is necessary... I am undamaged."

"Mi... Miyu-san." Mai stuttered in surprise, then straightened up with smile, trying to forget Yuuichi for a moment. "It's... uh... been a long time since I last saw you."

"It has been approximately three months and one day since we last met." Miyu agreed turning back to the choir.

"Right." Mai smiled, scratching the back of her neck with a feeling of awkwardness as she stood beside the mechanical girl. "So... um... what are you doing here? I haven't heard much about you two lately... has Arisa-chan recover enough to perform with the choir again? I looked for her up on the stage but..."

"Ojou-sama's condition has not changed from the last data you received. She remains... troubled, and is unable to attend this performance."

"I see." Mai's tone was somber. Despite the fact that the young blond haired girl had once been her enemy, she still felt sympathetic towards young girl's plight. She had been cloned, raised and manipulated by Searrs Corporation, all for the advancement of their goals. They thought nothing of inflicting emotional scars upon the girl that would stay with her for the rest of her life. The few times that Arisa had responded to her invitations to spend time with the group of ex-HiME, Arisa only managed to isolate herself further by antagonizing everyone who spoke to her, especially Yukariko and Nao.

But Arisa's bitterness was not entirely unfounded. The techniques used in cloning her were... for the lack of a better word, horrifying. Mai had only followed most of the basics when Midori and Youko explained the problems to her, but the gist was that Arisa's body had been designed to mature at a rate three times faster than a normal humans. Searrs had managed to succeed at creating her only a few years before the HiMEs began to emerge, and they needed her to be relatively physically mature before the Festival began. Apparently, they hadn't thought or cared what would happen to her afterwards. Probably, they had viewed the long term effects of such genetic manipulation as insurance, in case Arisa survived past her point of usefulness, as she had. Besides infanthood, which had all taken place inside of a laboratory, puberty was the time of the most rapid physical development in the human body. The already overtaxed cells in Arisa's body were beginning to fail under the strain, and her body was slowly losing the ability to function. So much of her body's energy was becoming devoted to growing that even the smallest of problems, such as a paper cut or a seasonal cold, could become life threatening. As the problems got worse, Miyu and Arisa had left the church, and Miyu had begun to take twenty-four hour care of her ojou-sama somewhere else in a hidden location. That had been the last anyone had seen of them for a long time.

"Well, I hope she gets better soon." Mai finally managed.

"Your desires have been logged and will be relayed to Ojou-sama upon my return."

"Thank you, Miyu-san." Mai smiled. She watched the android stare impassively at the singing young girls. "So... what brings you out here? If Arisa-chan isn't with the choir... Its unlike you to come somewhere without her."

Miyu turned back to her, a small crease rippling across her perfect faux-skin before the normal placid expression returned. "Are you aware of any threats to Ojou-sama?"

Mai smiled nervously and waved her hands wardingly. "No no! I'm just... making conversation, I guess."

Miyu tilted her head to the side slightly, as though an analysis had just completed. "Very well. I sense no falsehood in your mannerisms. Your statement is correct... the protection of Ojou-sama is my highest priority. However, she desired to hear the Fuuka Youth Choir's production this year, so I have come to record it for her."

"Oh." Mai replied, listening to the soaring sounds of the young girls' song. "Well, its beautiful this year too."

"The quality of the music is not comparable to when Ojou-sama participated. However, she desires to hear it, so I will record it.

A thought occurred to the orange haired girl. "Does that mean..." She dropped her voice to a low whisper. "... I'm interrupting your recordings?"

"Decreasing your vocal output is not necessary. I am capable of automatically filtering your voice patterns from the file concurrent to saving the data."

"Well, thank goodness for that." Mai smiled.

-----

Nao was in a foul mood, and though she knew she should probably hide that fact, concealing her discontent was something she was woefully bad at. Kaori, Reito and Shizuru had all become immersed in what she was sure was a rousing discussion of the merits of various types of tea, and only Mikoto was left for her to talk with as their makeshift group meandered. But even the feral girl seemed on edge and unhappy, something that was quite rare for her.

Finally, she nudged Mikoto, who nearly jumped in surprise. Nao gave her an even look, then finally spoke. "What's wrong?"

Mikoto looked to the side for a moment, her expression nearly guilty, before responding. "I... I can't tell you. It's 'privacy', you know?"

"Yes... yes I do know. I was the one who taught you that word, as I recall." Nao replied with a hint of bite. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I'm just..." She trailed off, vaguely waving towards the two women and one man walking ahead of them. "I'm just not a big enough fan of tea, I guess."

Mikoto seemed absorbed in her thoughts for a moment before looking up again. "Does talking about problems help?"

"When you're not giving people blackmail opportunities." Nao grinned. Mikoto stared back at her blankly, and Nao realized the comment had gone over her head. She decided to respond more directly. "Uh... yeah, I guess sometimes it does."

Mikoto nodded firmly, staring directly into Nao's eyes. "You promise this is 'privacy'?"

"I don't think you know how to use that word correctly, but yes, I'll keep your secret, if that's what you mean."

The dark haired girl nodded again, then leaned closer. Her thin braids swung as looking around conspiratorially. "I love Mai."

"And a great many other people and things, as I remember hearing." Nao replied dubiously. Yukino had told the story of her discussion with Mikoto on the steps, when Mikoto had confessed her undying love for Mai, Mai's cooking, and Yukino herself, among other things.

But Mikoto seemed prepared for that response, and shook her head. "This is different. Before, when Mai was happy, I was happy. I loved the smiling Mai. But now, even when she is happy, I'm..."

Nao watched Mikoto's expression. The feral girl had always been as easy to read as a book, and now was no different. The signs of sharp jealousy were obvious. "You don't like it when she's happy with Tate?"

Spelling it out was apparently a mistake. Mikoto's face was overtaken by such a crushing guilt that she stopped walking, and Nao had to grab her by the shoulder and guide her back into motion so they weren't left behind. Mikoto's lower lip trembled as she spoke. "I want... I want Mai to be happy, but..."

"Look, its okay." Nao grumbled. She didn't really enjoy playing the therapist, but its not like she had anything better to do at the moment. "It's a perfectly natural reaction, I guess."

That simple statement seemed to mollify Mikoto somewhat. Then again, she always had been simple. "How do I make it better?"

"Make what better?"

"This... feeling." Mikoto looked at her mournfully. "I don't like it."

"Well..." Nao pondered, tapping her chin. "One option is to beat the tar out of Tate. You could probably win a straight out fight, and if you sent him packing, you'd have Mai all to yourself."

Mikoto stayed silent for a moment, then shook her head. "I think Mai would get mad. Besides, he isn't a bad person."

"Hrmm... There's another possibility, but it takes time." Mikoto looked at her eagerly. "You can just keep doing what you're doing, and protect Mai. Be there for her when she's sad, and share the good times together too. Eventually, she'll probably realize that you mean more to her than Tate does."

She contemplated, then grinned. "Anii-ue told me something similar before, but I forgot with everything that's happened. But you're right." She nodded again, a sharp and rapid head movement. "You're a good person, Nao. Yup!" And with that, she sprung off into the crowd, presumably to find Mai.

Nao watched her go, then shook her head with a hint of a smile. "I'd dispute that, but oh well." she said under her breath. After a while of walking solitarily, she sped up her awkward shuffle to join up with the three people in front of her. She waited for a break in the conversation before nudging Reito. "Your sister is gone. She went to go find Mai."

Reito smiled good-naturedly between his three companions. "Well, it appears I must depart. I'm afraid I've been told stories of the sorts of havoc Mikoto can cause at events such as this... I should probably find her and assure she doesn't do anything of the sort."

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Minagi Reito." Kaori bowed.

"And you." he returned, leaving at a brisk pace.

After he was gone Kaori turned to her daughter. "And how are you faring? You look horribly bored."

Nao managed a smile. "Eh..."

With an apologetic look, Kaori shook her head. "If you want to head off on your own, that's okay. Shizuru-san and I will be looking at crafts for a while, and I know that's not your thing."

The younger redhead nodded. "I'll meet up with you in a bit." She looked at Shizuru, waved and walked away.

-----

Shizuru watched the younger girl walk away, her mind startlingly devoid of plans. Her ambitions and her reason were at such disparate odds with each other that her normally calculating mind was paralyzed into indecision.

"So..."

She heard the woman beside say as she cleared her throat, and the former student council president turned up to see what her new companion wanted. The moment Shizuru took in the older woman's eyes, she nearly choked on her own tongue. The balmy, cheerful grin was gone. Her airy expression, suggesting a passive and simple view on life, had vanished as well. In their wake was left a hard expression and eyes filled with steely resolve.

"... now that we're alone, tell me. Do you have any intentions of harming my daughter in any way?"

It was all Shizuru could do to keep from blinking in dismay. The transition had been so abrupt that she was left mentally reeling. She flickered through a bank of reactions, discarding each as she conceived them. When the hesitation in her response grew to an unbearable length, she finally gave up and shook her head lightly. "I considered it for a while." she admitted.

Kaori raised her eyes brows very slightly, but her expression seemed to silently beckon her to continue. Shizuru mentally struggled; her efforts to collect her thoughts unusually slow... too slow to contribute to the discussion. There was a distracting quality to the redhead's fiery emerald eyes, but Shizuru couldn't put her finger on it.

"... but?" Kaori prompted.

"... but in the end, I decided against it." she finished simply.

The ambiguity of her statement was an evasion of sorts, and for a moment, Shizuru was worried the other woman would reject it. Shizuru wasn't sure what she would say if Kaori demanded more explanation... especially now, with her brain infuratingly working at the speed of molasses in a bad Hokaido winter.

But Kaori's brutal expression melted into a smile. "Good. It would be a shame if I had to kill you." Her laughter at her own joke was lighthearted, and Shizuru joined in after a moment of hesitation. Still, Shizuru wasn't entirely certain that the statement _was _a joke. The cold certainty of Kaori's eyes from only a moment ago was still vivid in her mind. But the mother quickly whisked her away, resuming their previous conversation about painted chopsticks. Shizuru felt herself getting back on track after Kaori's suddenness had derailed her train of thought, and she responded smoothly aloud with a subtle pun. '_What a scary woman.' _Shizuru contemplated as she watched her companion reply as she poked amongst the products the vendor in front of them was offering. _'And that's saying something, coming from me.'_

-----

Natsuki ran her fingers through her bangs, listening to the antics of the three beside her. Shiho was joyously consuming her takoyaki, while Yuuichi and Mai made awkward conversation. Natsuki wasn't one to get herself involved in such things, but she could tell without even trying that Mai was upset with the blond headed male about something. He was pleading with her about something, and something she couldn't hear apparently set off Shiho's jealousy, as the youngest girl threw her dinner at Yuuichi. Her aim was off, and she ended up splattering the remaining octopus dumpings across the front of Mai's ample chest. Mai exploded at the two of them, and Natsuki subtly broke off from their group to leave them to their squabblings. She had been with them nearly an hour, and in that time they had nearly managed to kill most of the good feelings she had from the end of the semester.

Suddenly, she felt something small and hard pressed against her lower back while another hand grabbed her shoulder, and a raspy voice behind her whispered. "I never thought I'd see you here... Kuga Natsuki."

The raven haired girl froze, her mind going through a flurry of thoughts. Whatever it was against her skin, it wasn't big enough to be a gun, so she decided to risk it. She ducked out of the grasping hand spun around, her arm cocked back to throw a punch into the face of her assailant.

The mischievous face of Yuuki Nao stared back at her, holding up her hands in mock surrender. "Gotcha" the redhead snickered. "You should have seen the look on your face."

"Geh." Natsuki dropped her fist, watching as Nao put the cellphone, the offending object she had been threatening with, away. "I should punch you anyway, just for giving me a heart attack."

"Now now..." Nao placated. "I'm _saving_ you. Unless you want to stick around with these guys." Nao casually jerked her thumb at the chaotic trio some feet away. Tate was doing his best to hold the two females apart, though they both had murderous intent in their eyes.

Natsuki considered for a brief moment before making her decision. "Very well, save away."

Nao grabbed her hand, dragging her along. "There has to be _something _fun around here to do, right?"

"Sure... if you look hard enough." Natsuki enjoyed the feeling of letting herself be lead around, and smiled.

-----

Several hours had passed, and Natsuki had been enjoying herself immensely. They had played a few carnival games, walked around the Director's garden, watched a puppet show, played more games, and then watched the visiting local kami be paraded around on a mikoshi shrine. The final activity hadn't been interesting enough for Nao, who had taken to stepping on random people's toes to alleviate her boredom. Natsuki had to eventually give in and pull her away from the precession before she angered someone important.

It had been a few hours since they had eaten the first time, so Natsuki agreed with Nao's demands that they visit the food vendors again. Natsuki ordered a simple onigiri, and Nao asked for teriyaki chicken on a skewer. When it came time to pay, Natsuki handed over enough for her food. Nao looked disappointed, and gave her a pout.

"What?"

"I was hoping that my sempai, who I look up to and respect so much, would pay for me." Nao spoke sweetly, flashing her doe eyes at Natsuki.

Natsuki almost choked on her first bite of her onigiri. "What do you think this is, a date?" Nao's only response was a fluttering of her eyelashes. With a roll of her eyes, Natsuki threw money for the rest of the bill onto the stand. As they turned and walked away, Natsuki grimaced at the younger girl, wondering if she would get at least a 'thank you'.

Nao raised an eyebrow. "What's this? Expecting gratitude? A good deed is its own reward, is it not?" She turned away, leaving Natsuki about to explode in outrage. But after a few steps, she stopped and gave a coy glance over her shoulder, finally giving a small smile that was nearly apologetic. "Thank you, Natsuki." With that, she set off at a quick pace towards the edge of the fairgrounds.

Natsuki stood rooted in place, scratching her head for a moment. _That may very well be the first time she's ever thanked me for something._ Even after the months they had spent together, Nao was still a mystery to her in many ways. She shook her head ruefully, setting off at a trot to catch up. With Nao's speed encumbered by her clothing, it wasn't hard to draw even. She followed the younger redhead out towards a brick utility shed.

"I've been wanting to ask something for a while."

"Oh? And what's that?" Nao replied haughtily.

"... why are you wearing a kimono?" Natsuki finally voiced.

Nao stumbled, nearly toppling over. Natsuki glanced at her with concern, but the redhead shook her head. "First off, its a yukata, not a kimono."

"Same difference." Natsuki shrugged. "My question still stands."

Nao tried to salvage her pride with a smirk, making the best of the situation. "What, are you scared?"

"... of what?" Natsuki asked, her expression morphing into bewilderment at the response.

"Well, you haven't had the best of luck with women in kimonos, to my recollection."

Natsuki made the connection, then frowned. "No, I haven't."

Nao chuckled at her own joke, but noticed Natsuki failed to join in. "Too soon to be making jokes about it?" she said with a small pout.

"I'm just..." Natsuki gave a half hearted smile as they came to a stop at an uncrowded section of the festival. She leaned against a brick building, and Nao followed suit. "No, it was funny. It just reminded me of how much the events six months ago still affected me."

"I'm... not her, you know." Nao said tentatively.

The raven haired girl gave a defensive look. "I _know _that. And I don't blame you or her for what happened. I've forgiven both of you... you know that."

"Maybe you don't blame me..." the redhead offered, "But you're still holding yourself back, on some level." She gave Natsuki a serious stare, though her wicked smirk marred the act. "Don't you trust me?" she purred.

"You're kidding, right?"

Nao shook her head, leaning forward with a gleam in her eyes and waiting for an answer.

Natsuki raised an eyebrow as the silence stretched on, finally realizing that Nao expected a serious answer. "Fine. Do I trust you?" She sounded as though she was asking the question to herself more than anything. "You're devious, mean and callous, and on occasion, you're downright cruel."

"Oh, do go on." Nao beckoned for the compliments to keep coming with her hand.

"But!" Natsuki exclaimed, with a small smile. "You're driven and passionate about what is important to you, which I respect. You also only hurt people who you think deserve it. And on the whole, they usually do. I'm much the same way, I suppose, so I'm not really in a position to judge. So I guess that in a strange way, you're the only person I _do_ trust, though I'd never thought I'd hear myself admit it."

"What's that?" Nao cupped her ear playfully. "Did Kuga-san just say something nice about me?"

"Don't push it." The older girl growled good-naturedly in return.

"What fun is that?" Nao countered, taking the time to snack on what was left of her skewer of chicken teriyaki.

Natsuki followed suit, popping the last part of her onigiri into her mouth. "So..." she mumbled while chewing, continuing with her sentence after she swallowed. "... you still never answered me about the yukata."

"You don't like it?"

She shook her head. "It's not that, just... you don't seem the type to wear one."

"Oh!" Nao wilted with mock dismay, putting the back of her hand to her forehead and sinking down against the wall. "I'm being lectured about my femininity by Kuga-san of all people..."

The raven haired girl shook her head placatingly, ignoring the dig. "I've grown wise to your tricks, and I refused to be distracted until you answer the question." Natsuki's eyes glimmered in the encroaching darkness. "How come you're wearing a yukata?"

"Geh." Nao lamely gave up her attempts at evasion. "Mama forced me. It's quite uncomfortable, really."

"Thought so." The lull in the conversation stretched. The times when she could wheedle the truth out of Nao were far and few between, and Natsuki almost felt bad. "It... looks good on you." she offered.

"Ohhh?" Nao breathed, her Cheshire smile blooming in full force.

"Not that I'm... you know..." Natsuki immediately regretted the admission, true though it might be. She felt a blush coming to her cheeks, and averted her eyes. "I'm just saying... from an impartial, you know... point of view..." She sighed, as Nao's grin grew even wider with each verbal stumble, and gave up. "Yeah. It looks good on you."

Nao leaned back against the wall, humming in a sing song voice to herself, and pulled her cellphone out of the small purse she carried with her. Ignoring Natsuki's inquisitive noise, she punched in a quick combination of keys and brought it up to her ear. "Mama? Hey, its me." She paused, as though listening to a response. "Yeah... Natsuki just loves the yukata... so much in fact, she was wondering if we had one in her size?"

"What? Give me that!" Natsuki cried as she lunged, a measure of panic evident in her tone. On some level, she realized it was just Nao teasing her, but the idea of getting stuffed into one of those yukatas invoked a sort of primal fear in her.

They struggled over the phone, with Natsuki managing to hold Nao's slender wrist up against the building almost immediately, trying to wrench her other arm up to capture the offending phone. Nao countered by sinking her teeth into the skin of Natsuki's shoulder, not too hard, but hard enough to make Natsuki gasp and release the wrist. Their arms twisted and parried, with Nao trying to worm her way out of Natsuki's grasp, and the older girl pinning her against the brick with her hips while her hands made another diving effort for the offending cellphone.

"I'm not... letting you get me into one of those things." Natsuki grunted.

"Why not?" Nao gasped, switching which hand the phone was held in at the last minute to avoid losing it. "You'd look great in it, I think." Her free hand darted down to poke Natsuki in the vulnerable side of her lower abdomen, and was rewarded by a half squeal from the taller girl.

"Just isn't... my style..." Natsuki growled as she redoubled her efforts, finally pinning both wrists up against the wall with one hand and plucking the phone out of Nao's clenched fist. The screen was dark; no call was in progress. Natsuki turned with a disgruntled half smile to Nao, who's face was only inches away. "You were bluffing?"

"Eh... if I put the idea in Mama's head, she would hound you to the ends of the earth, trying to get you to wear one. As much as I'd enjoy that, you'd probably hate me forever, so..."

"Hmm... maybe you _are_ capable of making decisions with consideration for others in mind occasionally." Natsuki observed. She noticed Nao wasn't struggling anymore, despite her vulnerability. It seemed strange, until it dawned upon Natsuki what kind of position they were in. It hadn't seemed awkward in the heat of the struggle, but now that they were still, she noticed how easily she could feel the heat of Nao's body through their clothes. The warmth was consuming, drawing her in, as she pressed Nao against the building. She waited to feel _something_... panic, fear, rejection... all of the emotions that she had always associated with this sensation of closeness. But there was nothing, only a calm void. The moment stretched on. Natsuki could sense the rise and fall of Nao's panting breath beneath her, could see the flush of her cheeks from the exertion, and she could feel where Nao's scarlet painted nails still clung to the skin of her hands, clasping their arms together, keeping her locked in this position. Despite the restraint, she didn't feel the need to escape.

The moment was shattered by a powerful vibration from the device in her hand. She was so involved with her own thoughts, she shrieked and dropped the cellular phone against the pavement. She took two steps back, holding a hand against her hammering chest. She watched Nao crouch and pick up the cellphone mournfully, checking the pink casing for damage as a generic ring tone began to emanate from the case.

"I'm... sorry. Did it break?" Natsuki could feel the heat of her cheeks... she must have been blushing horribly.

"Nope... looks fine." Nao shrugged nonchalantly and answered it. "Hi Mama."

"_Hello there Nao-chan. Having fun?" _Kaori's bubbly tones were clear despite the electronic distortion of being transmitted.

"Sure are." Nao replied, winking at Natsuki, compounding the raven haired girl's blush. Natsuki couldn't hear the conversation, but she knew Nao and Kaori well enough to guess at the meaning behind at least that first exchange.

"_Well... sorry to interrupt you. But I just wanted to check to see if you could find your own ride home."_

Nao pursed her lips. "That probably won't be a problem." she said smugly with another glance to Natsuki. "Something happen?"

"_Ah... in a manner of speaking yes. You've got my permission to stay out all night, though I suppose you've never needed it before. Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."_

Nao issued a short bark of laughter. "And what, exactly, does that exclude?"

An only slightly resentful sigh was her mother's reply. _"Kids these days... growing up so fast."_ Nao's only response was a small snicker. _" Just take good care of yourself, Nao-chan."_

"That much I can promise. See you tomorrow, Mama."

"_See you tomorrow."_

Nao ended the call with a flourish, sending the cellphone back into its pouch. "Looks like I've got no ride home tonight. Mind if I crash at your apartment?"

"Kaori just dumped you?"

"Well... she called to make sure it was okay first." Nao retorted defensively.

"And you agreed without asking me?" Nao nodded with a smirk. "Che." Natsuki intoned. "Need I remind you of what you're wearing? A skirt is one thing, but riding a motorcycle in a yukata is going to be... well... cold, for one thing."

"Crap. I knew I should have brought a spare change of clothes." Nao lamented.

"Tell you what. We can head over to my place by subway. I'll leave my bike here, and tomorrow we'll come by and I'll drive you home."

Nao smiled brightly. "Sounds like a plan."

"It's getting pretty dark. I think the festival is closing up soon."

"Yeah... I think we've wrung all the fun out of this place that we can. Want to head off?"

"Let's go."


	11. Shades of Gray: Finale

Author's Note: Credit where credit is due... the scene of Natsuki and Nao playing cards together was inspired by CrazedChakra101. More notes at the end. Enjoy!

-----

Natsuki unlocked the door to the apartment with her key, opening it with a flourish. "Sorry about the mess... I've been up to my ears in studying for the last week."

Nao leaned against the door frame with a bored expression, watching as Natsuki hurriedly collected mostly empty Chinese take out boxes and threw them in the garbage. "Up to your ears indeed."

There was a resigned sigh from Natsuki, before she motioned for Nao to come in. "Sorry for the mess."

"Eh... I'm not really one to judge." The redhead smiled as she sat down at the kitchen table, pulling a worn deck of cards out of her purse. She kicked off her geta sandals, letting them spin and clatter along the floor. "Gods, it feels good to get those things off. I think I have blisters on the soles of my feet."

Natsuki eyed the cards. "Not in the mood for movies?"

"The last couple have been sort of a flop." She loosened her yukata before she began to shuffle the cards, arching the soft surfaces to bend them back into shape, and cycling between the two actions expertly.

The raven haired girl sighed dramatically. "You just don't have any refined tastes. Just because they don't have fancy special effects..."

"Or any acting talent..."

Natsuki didn't bother to dispute that point. "Oh well. I don't mind cards." They had played a few times in the past, but Nao always won, no matter what game they played. It was quite frustrating, really.

"The usual, then? Five card stud?" Nao eyed her with the gaze of a hardened card player.

"Sure thing. But I'm not betting money this time. I'm sick of losing it all."

The younger girl pouted. "It's no fun if we don't bet."

"Loser pays for our next lunch together?"

Nao rolled her eyes. "You always pay for that anyway."

"I know... that's why I'm putting it on the line." Natsuki smiled smugly. "Or you afraid I'm going to beat you?"

"There's a first time for everything." Nao fired back with a wink.

"You're on then." Natsuki motioned for the younger girl to deal.

-----

Nao lifted the corner of her cards up, then left them back flat on the table. Natsuki held hers upright, unprofessionally, and glared at Nao. The raven haired girl pushed forward two more of the single yen coins they were using as chips before turning back and pouring herself a drink. Nao had convinced her to take out the bottle of whiskey, despite Natsuki's weak protests that it 'didn't go very well last time'. Still, they had both managed to keep their drinking within moderation this time.

Nao recalled her cards through the warm buzz of the alcohol. She had two pairs, which was probably better than anything her opponent could make, but Natsuki was looking frustrated. The older girl's pile of one yen coins was running fairly low, and Nao wanted to draw the game out anyway. She was having too much fun to end it now. "Too rich for my blood." Nao sighed morosely. "I fold."

Natsuki eyed her for a moment, then happily gathered her winnings.

-----

They had been playing for nearly two hours, but it had been quite enjoyable. Still, Nao considered, it was time to start drawing the game to a close. She had nearly all the chips once again, despite a strong comeback attempt by Natsuki, and she had a potential flush. "All in." she monotoned, shoving her appreciable stack of coins into the center of the table. They toppled over, with sliding into Natsuki's shot glass, making a series of plops and soft metallic clinks against the bottom of the whiskey filled glass.

Natsuki kept a cool expression as she slid her more modest pile in. She pursed her lips, considering. "If I win, I'll only get part of the pot, and we'll basically be back to where we started. Would you consider letting me make up the difference with an alternate wager?"

"Only if I get to choose what it is."

"I was thinking something like... I'll do your homework for a day, or maybe..."

"I get to kiss you." Nao decided without hesitation.

Natsuki chewed on her lip, then shrugged. "Fine." Her voice bespoke confidence as she tossed an unwanted card towards Nao. "I'll take one."

Nao spun a single card across the table to her, and threw away one of her own before replacing it. She glanced at the card, then flashed a wicked smile at the older girl. "What do you have?"

"Oh... not much... just..." Natsuki slammed the cards down. "Three queens." She raised an eyebrow . "It will be nice to have you pay for once, if only for the experience."

"Aw man..." Nao pouted. "All I have is all these mismatched low cards." She spread hers out on the table with a dejected expression.

Natsuki's smirk faded slowly into a weary glare. "That's a flush of spades."

"Oh really?" Nao drawled. "I guess I win then."

The raven haired girl drew herself up from the table tiredly. "I know. You don't have to rub it in, Nao."

Nao stood as well, positioning herself directly in front of Natsuki. "So... about the payment of your alternate wager... I was thinking that..." Natsuki cut her off by darting forward and pecking her on the lips. Nao was so startled she didn't even have time to react, other than to glare afterwards. "That doesn't count."

"Hoh? Why not?"

"Because... I didn't enjoy it enough."

"Tough luck." Natsuki said with a grin, enjoying her petty revenge. "It seems to fulfill all of the conditions to me."

"... fine." Nao rubbed her hands together, and sat down on the couch. Natsuki followed her with an absent expression, and Nao leaned on her shoulder as they sat together. "Do you mind if I sleep on your couch, Natsuki?"

The older girl turned to look at Nao, but only ended up rubbing her chin against Nao's thick red curls. "Maybe I'm worried about what will happen to me while I sleep." she offered with a lopsided smile.

"Aww..." Nao pouted without a hint of sincerity. "I thought you said you trusted me."

Natsuki struggled before lapsing into a short silence. Both of them were so bad at talking about their emotions, so apparently Nao had decided it was her task to rip them from Natsuki, grudgingly or otherwise. It was unsettling to talk about, and she hated the sensation of vulnerability, but the alternative was to slowly orbit each other and never truly communicate. She had once lost Shizuru that way, and she didn't want that to happen again. "I try, Nao, I do. But you make it really hard sometimes. We get along fine when we're busy parrying each other's verbal jabs, but even now, you're very withdrawn." Nao's playful air had dissipated, and she shrugged passively. Taking that for acceptance of the criticism, Natsuki plowed forward before she could begin to withdraw herself. "So... for example. Tell me something about yourself I don't know."

She leaned flat against the back of the couch with a sidelong shrug, but appeared to be taking the question seriously. After a moment, she turned with a deadpan expression. "I cheat when we play cards."

"I said tell me something I _don't _know." Natsuki deadpanned back.

Nao nearly choked. "Wait, you knew?" She folded her arms, disgruntled. "How?"

"Well, no one is that lucky. Plus, whenever I start to get angry and frustrated, all of a sudden I start winning again. But when we bet about us smacking lips, all of a sudden luck turns back in your favor." Natsuki nodded knowingly.

The smug grin returned. "Oh? Then which sleeve do I keep the cards in?"

Natsuki took a calculated guess. "Left."

Nao waggled her finger, and drew three kings, a queen and an ace from behind her back, where they had been tucked into the bow of her obi. "So, you didn't catch me the act then. Good to know."

"Che... close enough. It was a trick question anyway..." Natsuki muttered.

"So... if you knew I was cheating, and yet you made the bet about kissing anyway..." Nao grinned wickedly, and hopped up. She quickly rearranged the folds of the yukata around her legs, kneeling over Natsuki and straddling her. "Then that means you didn't mind losing too much." She raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't it?"

Natsuki shuffled uncomfortably beneath her, but didn't make any move to get her off. "I had a pretty good hand, and I thought..."

"Ah... but cheating isn't only about changing my own cards. Its about knowing what's happening in the game, and making sure I always win. You must have known that."

"... it's not that simple." Natsuki muttered.

But Nao didn't bother to respond. She was leaning in, drawing their lips closer together.

"No... Nao, wait." They hung in the air, suspended, after Nao's uncharacteristic compliance. Their heads were no more than inches apart, and Natsuki could smell Nao's shampoo... a sweet strawberry aroma.

"Yeeees?" Nao said breathily, her voice teasing.

Natsuki struggled to collect her thoughts. "What is it that you want from me?"

The younger girl's jade eyes glinted with mischief in the darkness. "Another kiss, perhaps? Maybe one that isn't so grudgingly given?"

Natsuki shook her head. "That's not what I mean. What is... this... to you." She gestured expansively, so Nao took her meaning for 'this' to be their relationship in general.

The yukata-clad girl pursed her lips, and her contemplating expression filled Natsuki's vision. "I don't know, Natsuki. It's not like I've ever done this before. I don't know what to expect or what will happen. But does any of that really even matter? I'm not good at saying this sort of thing but... I really had a great time tonight, something I can rarely say. And all I know is I want it to keep happening. And..."

After Nao trailed off, she began to lean in once more. The raven haired girl's anxiety prompted her to speak again, driven by fear. "Wait." Once again, Nao complied, but hung in place instead of moving back. "I... I can't promise you anything, Nao."

The redhead's voice was playful. "Silly Natsuki... I don't _want _promises. I want _you_."

Their lips connected, the gap closed before Natsuki's shocked brain could come up with another excuse. Before she could even process the physical contact, she had to work through the mental realization of Nao's words. Nao... wanted her. It seemed like such an obvious thing, but to hear it voiced was another matter entirely. All of the emotional baggage that she had been carrying with her from her mother's death, from middle school, the festival, her encounter with Shizuru... somehow, she realized it had been holding her back from seeing the simple truth in front of her. Nao's intentions were, for once, pure. Nao simply enjoyed being around her, and _wanted _her... and Natsuki felt the same way back. It was a set of selfish desires, yet they each turned and rejoined in a self-fulfilling circle. It was possible, Natsuki realized in a flash, to give without losing, and receive without taking, and for them to be happy together. It was such a simple thing, in hindsight, but she had been blind to it for all this time.

And as she came to this mental insight in a flash, she already found herself melting into Nao's embrace. The younger girl's hands gripped her hair, drawing her into the joining of their mouths. She responded tentatively, tilting her head and kissing back, feeling a heat rush through her from her cheeks, down her spine and into her toes. She ran her hands down Nao's back, and the yukata gave way slowly, unraveling until it hung loosely from Nao's shoulders. Their breasts pressed together as Nao intensified the kiss, pressing her tongue into Natsuki's mouth. The older girl retaliated, closing her teeth gently around Nao's upper lip, and was rewarded with an animalistic growl from Nao. They both pulled back for a moment and smiled, before they renewed their embrace.

Natsuki waited for something: fear, panic, despair... all of the emotions she had come to associate with intimacy. But instead, all that happened was they sunk deeper into each other's arms, and eventually, Natsuki stopped waiting, and surrendered into Nao's tender care.

Author's Note: That's all she wrote!

Well, that's actually not true at all. If it feels a little unfinished, that's because... it is. At the advice of my beta, I chopped a large section off the end of the story, and ended it with something that stayed within my 'T' rating. 'M' material, I'm told, will get you in trouble here.

**Edit: Thank you very much to Gali, who had the kindness to offer me her bandwidth to host the removed scene. I've posted it in plain text at the address you'll find listed as my homepage on my profile. It's an inelegant solution, but it will suffice for now. Eventually I'll put up a web page with the full fic and an actual layout. But now all of you who were too embarrassed to private message me can click and find it. **

Additionally, while this is the end of the story chronologically, there is one more chapter coming that I'll post up. It's two scenes that were supposed to be in chapter 10, but I ended up cutting them out due to wanting to get the main story moving. One is a badly needed scene of Shizuru and Natsuki talking during festival, getting some resolution after their big fight. The other explains why Kaori randomly canceled Nao's ride, and is a glimpse of her and Shizuru going for tea at a late night restaurant, and their interactions. Expect that up shortly (shortly by my standards anyway).

And finally, I've posted the opening chapter of the sequel to this work, **The Ties That Bind Us**. There are more details about what the new story is about when you get there. Hopefully you'll enjoy the new work as much as you enjoyed **Shades of Gray**. Thanks for your readership and support! I've had a blast writing it. 


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